closeted despondence

2010, or the year that started poorly and ended well enough.

2010-12-31T01:53:00.001+08:00

Wow, has it been another year already? This time last year I was writing for a men's lifestyle magazine – not too shabby a job, and one I quite enjoyed at this point 12 months ago, but unfortunately things changed. I remember writing my monthly column for January 2010 and talking about how 2009 was absolute shit and I couldn't wait for 2010 to come... Who'd have thought it'd be over so quickly? I think it really is true that time just seems to pass faster as we get older.

The year didn't really start on the best of notes for me. The relationship I was in at the end of 2009 strained and finally buckled shortly after Chinese New Year, and I took it pretty badly. Then the environment at the magazine got rather toxic, which sucked cos I actually quite enjoyed the work itself. A good offer then came along so I took it up, but that didn't last either – the company went belly-up within four months of my joining it. That was pretty much the nadir of the year – I didn't get paid for a few months and had to rely on loans from friends after my very limited savings began to deplete.

Thankfully, things began to pick up after that. I began my current job shortly after my birthday (which was a blast, by the way – thanks to my wonderful friends who organised a crazy celebration complete with balloons, tiara and all) and it's been excellent so far. My colleagues are mostly fun people, and while the work can get a little tedious at times (which job doesn't have niggly bits?), I'm much happier overall than I was at the start of the year.

I also finally started to exercise regularly, something I haven't done since I played for Churchill United while I was in Gippy and then again when I was running for a while in preparation for the 2008 SCSM 10km race. I now play futsal every Monday with a regular group of blokes and run most Wednesdays, and even completed my first-ever half-marathon in the 2010 SCMS with a pretty decent timing of 2:18:31.

My good spirits as I write this entry are probably due to the good day I had today. I received my confirmation in my job, which was an excellent way to mark the end of the year, bought a new pair of boots for football (new things make me happy), received a really kickass Christmas gift from Angie, and caught up with Faye over dinner and dessert. Aside from the confirmation, they're all small things by themselves, but they add up to make one excellent day indeed.

2009 was quite a disaster. I'm truly thankful that 2010's been a far kinder year, but I'm hoping 2011 will be even better. Yes, I'm in a pretty good place right now – I enjoy my work, have good friends to keep my company most times and things at home are peaceful – but I'm kinda greedy, so here's hoping God will bless me with progress in my career, continued good relationships with friends and family and who knows... Maybe a nice girl in 2011! Hey, you never know right? Have a happy new year, if you're still reading this!

demolition

2010-10-15T18:20:00.003+08:00

When the venerable National Library - the original one at Stamford Road - was torn down, I was unhappy that our government would tear such a historic building down just to facilitate the construction of one stupid tunnel for traffic. The new tunnel barely makes any difference in the commuting time for people travelling along that stretch of road, but that wasn't the only reason I (and many other Singaporeans) were unhappy with the decision.

Most of the displeasure was simply because the government, once again, disregarded the value of the old National Library building. Not so much the economic value, of course, but rather the priceless memories that many had there.

Even while I disagreed the decision, however, I felt a little dispassionate about it all. This was mainly because I never had many memories of the place unlike some of the people a generation before me; in fact I only remember ever going there only once, with my mother when I was still a child.

However, something else has just been torn down, and this time, it's a place that's more personally significant.

The National Stadium at Kallang has been slated to be demolished and rebuilt as the Sports Hub since at least 2007, but for various reasons this has been delayed till now. Demolition work finally began a few weeks ago, but it didn't strike me till a while ago when I saw a friend's photos on Facebook.

Picture by Sandra

That's when it struck me - the National Stadium as I know it really is gone for good now. All the memories I had there - gone. The one National Day Parade I went to as a kid with my granny, the Youth Day Parade I participated in as part of the National Cadet Corps (Air) contingent one year, and of course the countless football matches I watched. Oh, the football - don't even get me started.

It's where I watched the national team play against Manchester United in 2001; against Uruguay when the South Americans were getting ready for the 2002 World Cup; where I witnessed the Lions lift their second Tiger Cup (now AFF Cup) in 2004; and where I almost got into a fight with an obnoxious mainland Chinese fella during a match between Singapore and China (full story on that last one here).

Yes, I definitely have a lot of memories of the National Stadium. That's why it pained me a little to see it that way, although I realise it's for the best and that the Sports Hub (eugh, why must everything be a Hub this, that or the other?) will have far more advanced facilities for the betterment of the local sports scene.

So that's that, then. Fare thee well, Old Lady of Kallang. Let's hope your successor will see many more moments of glory for Singapore and Singaporean sportsmen.

polytechnic, a decade on

2010-04-09T17:11:00.001+08:00

Last month, I went back to my polytechnic for lunch. It wasn’t a decision I’d made in advance; I just happened to be in the area around lunchtime and was trying to think of where I could grab a bite when I realised how close I was to it, so I decided to make my way over.

Obviously, things had changed a lot since the last time I’d been there – after all, it has been a good number of years since I graduated, and there were already plenty of changes even within the three years I spent there. For example, there used to be a well-known travel agency with an outlet, as well as the branch of a local bank. Both of these were long gone by the time I graduated. In fact, the travel agency doesn’t even exist anymore, having gone out of business some years ago.

Walking around the various canteens trying to decide on what to eat, I discovered even more changes. The foodcourt I used to have lunch at with my classmates almost every single day was now Koufu rather than the Food Junction I remembered, and there had been some renovations done.

My favourite Japanese food stall (that I patronised so frequently that the lady at the counter didn’t even need me to speak to know what my order would be) was gone. The tables and chairs were different from what I remembered. I was disoriented in a place that was effectively my second home for three years – a most wonderful three years, I might add.

I placed my order and went straight to what seemed to be the quietest area of the bustling foodcourt. It turned out to be the staff area, and it was only after sitting down that I remembered rarely ever sitting in that area while I was still a student. After all, why would I want to sit near the lecturers and administrators? Looking around as I did that day, though, I came to the rather depressing realisation that not only did I now fit in, I think I was actually older than some of the staff there.

It was then that a famous quote came to mind, and I had to agree with it: Time and tide wait for no man. Nothing stands still, except perhaps for yourself if you so decide. In this crazy world, change, indeed, truly is the only constant.

the rules

2010-03-11T02:25:00.000+08:00

I just came out of another relationship, and unfortunately this was one of the shortest ones yet: just four months and that was that. So I got to thinking about this relationship, other relationships I’ve been in, and the almost-relationships, trying to figure out what it is that made each one work and what ultimately sabotaged each one.

These are some rules I’ve come up with, based on my own experiences. Some of them you’ll have heard of before because they’re really basic rules, but they bear repeating because people ignore them even though they’re so important.

Rule #1: Don’t be the rebound guy.

This one is straightforward enough, really. How do you tell if you’re a rebound guy? Well, if a girl has just come out of a serious five-year relationship and she’s started dating you just a few months later… Chances are you are the rebound guy.

Now, she might protest that you most certainly aren’t the rebound guy, and she might even believe that herself, but trust me on this – you are.

There are a million reasons to not be the rebound guy, but the most important question to keep in mind is this: Do you really want to be the consolation prize? It doesn’t matter why they broke up. It doesn’t matter if she was the one who dumped her ex. What matters is that two months after the breakup, the next guy in her life is only ever going to be there to help her get over her ex. Do you want to be that guy? Really?

Rule #2: Don’t make someone your priority if you’re only an option.

In an ideal world, all relationships would be a partnership of equals. Both people would be equally good-looking (or, you know, ugly), and both would be madly in love with each other.

Unfortunately, we live in the real world.

This means that not only do we have ugly guys with hot babes (and vice versa), we also have couples where it is obvious one party loves the other far more than is true the other way around.

Now, some couples make this work. This is mainly by virtue of the one who loves more (let’s say, the guy) being treated pretty much like a doormat, and accepting it. He accepts it because he’s grateful to even have the love of this incredible girl at all. Does that seem healthy to you?

I don’t know about you, but it sure as hell doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship to me. A relationship where one takes the other for granted regularly will never work, so it’s gotta be kinda even. If you love someone incredibly but she can’t even commit to you fully, there’s a problem there.

Rule #3: Don’t be on somebody’s hook.

I just watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother (Hooked) last week and it resonated with me, because I’ve been there before. It’s about being “hooked”, or stringing someone along until someone better comes along. I’ve been on both ends of the line. Girls have told me that they can’t be with me… right now. I’m not proud to say that I’ve also used that line on someone.

You know what? If someone really likes you, she’ll want to be with you no matter what. There won’t be any rubbish like “Oh, I can’t be with you right now”. The unspoken promise in there is that “…but maybe in future we can be together”, but that never happens. Like I said, if she’s into you, she’ll want to get together with you for sure, and right now.

Anybody who does this to you is not worthy of your time, and especially not of your love. She doesn’t care for you, man. Why set yourself up for heartbreak by hanging on? Be strong and just cut off all ties. It’ll be for the best.

Rule #4: Don’t get together with someone expecting them to change.

Look, we are who we are. Most of us kinda like who we are, except maybe for one or two things we’ve always wanted to be a little different (if only I was richer, more patient, etc) but you know what? There’s a reason why we haven’t changed, and to expect someone else to change just because you want her to is completely unfair.

There are probably reasons why that person is that way too. For example, a girl coming from a lower-income family might be more inclined to become more materialistic since she’s looking for financial security in a mate.

So if you’re looking for a girl who’s more romantic and would accept a proposal with a tab-ring from a Coke can, chances are you’re barking up the wrong tree if your girl has a minimum carat size requirement for her engagement ring.

If your girl has been used to getting her way from the people in her life, don’t expect her to change just because of you. You know how they say love conquers all? Well, “they” missed out the fine print where it adds “almost” before “all”.

Let’s face it. Change is difficult. Trying to change when we want to change is already pretty damn tough – trying to change to please someone else is doubly so. Why make someone go through that? Just accept and love her for who she is, or cut your losses and run while you still can.

Rule #5: Don’t have a negative mindset from the beginning.

There is a simple reason for this. You know how all those motivational speakers always tell you that believing you can do it is half the battle won? Ok, maybe believing that you’ll become Emperor of the Universe isn’t gonna make it any more likely to happen, but for things that are slightly, even remotely, realistic, believing that it won’t happen is a surefire way to ensure it, well, won’t.

In other words, if you think it won’t work out, it’ll become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ll always have that doubt at the back of your mind, and each time you encounter a setback in your relationship you’ll just think “Yeah I knew this would happen – this just proves me right, we aren’t gonna work out”.

That’s bullshit. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Thinking that it won’t work every time you have an argument is counterproductive, because instead of actually trying to work your issues out properly, you’ll end up not really bothering about them. After all, this isn’t going to work out is it?

--------------------------------------------------

Of course, this list is by no means exhaustive; it's just what I've come up with over the past few days of brooding and introspection. In fact, just today I saw a great tip on somebody's Twitter update:

Do not be kind to people who have broken your heart. It's a matter of being decent to yourself.

Makes sense, doesn't it? And yet it can be difficult to do it, because sometimes we still stupidly care about that person. Don't.

Maybe I'll post some more if I get inspired again... But hopefully I won't have to. What about you, do you have any rules?

the school smell

2010-03-09T17:20:00.000+08:00

Do you know what the “school smell” is? It’s that unmistakable odour that permeates every single bus that plies a route going past schools (particularly secondary schools) in the afternoon after classes end and the students are going home.

It’s a smell quite unlike any other. It certainly isn’t pleasant by any stretch of imagination, but it’s not exactly as repugnant as body odour either. It’s just this almost exotic sort of smell that attacks our olfactory receptors whenever a few secondary school students gather. It doesn’t matter which school they’re from, this is a syndrome that afflicts all secondary school students regardless of whether they’re in a neighbourhood school or an elite school. Quite egalitarian, this smell.

The existence of this smell was first brought to my attention when I was still of school-going age. Whenever I reached home after school, my mother would demand that I immediately take a shower because “you have that school smell!”.

I never used to believe it existed because I couldn’t smell anything out of the ordinary whenever I sniffed my body or school uniform, but that was probably because I’d become immune to the smell, having been exposed to it on a daily basis.

However, that belief was soon destroyed when I began my tertiary education. Taking the bus home on days when lectures ended in the early afternoon meant that I would have to share the bus with many secondary school students, and believe you me, the smell is real. It is viciously real.

There were only some periods of respite, and one of them is upon us now. If you notice that the malls in Orchard Road and City Hall are particularly crowded, that’s because the “school smell” has cleared from buses and trains for a week – the March school holidays are upon us.

True, it may only be a temporary respite (the March holidays only last a week, in case you’ve forgotten) and public transport will soon smell again, but take heart and be thankful for one thing.

For this one week, we will not have to worry about smelling a smell far worse than the “school smell”. I am, of course, talking about the one and only “My last period was P.E. and I’m still wearing my sweat-soaked, belacan-scented P.E. T-shirt” smell.

Count your blessings, people. Count your blessings.

cheena new year

2010-02-05T17:19:00.000+08:00

Just when our ears were recovering from an overdose of Christmas carols, retailers began the second volley of aural assaults – this time, it’s Chinese New Year songs. Do they not have any mercy?

I don’t understand the rationale behind playing Chinese New Year songs. Do retailers actually think they make for a more conducive shopping experience? Do they really think we buy more stuff when our ears are constantly being bombarded by refrains of irritatingly-cheery kids singing about bees plucking pollen? On the contrary – it probably encourages destruction of the shop, if you ask me.

As if those songs weren’t irritating enough, there are also nosey relatives to consider. You know what I’m talking about – if you’re single, all your aunts are going to ask when you’re getting married. If you’re married and childless, they’ll ask when they can expect to see kids. If you already have a kid, they’ll ask if you’re planning for the next one yet. It never ends!

Of course you might argue that they’re just showing concern, but surely that concern can be shown in other ways? Like… Oh I don’t know, a larger red packet perhaps?

It is little wonder, then, that many people take the opportunity to escape Singapore over the CNY period for a break abroad. I’d do the same if I could, but unfortunately, as the only son, I feel a sense of responsibility to visit relatives. Bah.

Interestingly enough, the first day of Chinese New Year this year also happens to be Valentine’s Day. That opens up a whole new can of worms for those who celebrate both occasions – do we have dinner with the family or do we try to book a table somewhere for a nice romantic dinner with the girlfriend?

Thankfully I won’t have that problem, since my girlfriend will be one of the people seeking refuge overseas from nosey relatives. If you have to make that choice… Well, good luck. You’re going to need it!

new beginnings

2010-01-08T17:15:00.000+08:00

So that’s that for 2009 – ciao, adios, goodbye and good riddance. Seriously, was there anything good about 2009 at all? The global economy went into the toilet, there were layoffs and paycuts at many places, Temasek Holdings and GIC lost another few billion dollars of our CPF money, and even while all this was happening, prices of housing in Singapore continued skyrocketing.

Now I’m not sure about you, but personally it wasn’t that great a year for me so I’m glad to see the back of 2009. I guess that’s the thing about new years – it marks a new beginning, a fresh start for us. It’s as if we can disregard what happened the year before and begin again with a clean slate.

Unless you had an exceptional year, that’s what most of us want, isn’t it? A chance to forget all the negatives, to forget an annus horribilis if that’s what you had; a chance to forge a new, better future with at least the hope that it might become an annus mirabilis instead.

Looking ahead, 2010 does seem to hold promises of a brighter year. The economy seems to be picking itself up again, albeit slowly, unless the Dubai crisis throws everything back into the gutter. Fingers crossed, the fallout will be confined to Dubai and not affect global markets.

Locally, the Singapore sporting scene will see the inaugural Youth Olympic Games in the middle of the year, which promises to be a pretty solid way of exposing our future national sportsmen and women to global competition.

The IRs will also be up and running; I’m certainly looking forward to visiting the Universal Studios theme park! Finally, some rides that compare well to other big international theme parks. Just for that alone, I can say this year will be a good one. Bring on 2010!

the most wonderful time of the year

2009-12-04T17:15:00.000+08:00

Like the classic Christmas song goes, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. That’s right folks, it’s time for the year end celebrations to begin! Regardless of whether you celebrate the holiday in a religious sense, it’s always fun to exchange presents with family, friends and loved ones.

The decorations along Orchard Road have been up for the past couple of months, and by now you’re probably sick to death of Christmas carols being played at every store you step into. So what is it about the Yuletide season that seems to bring such cheer?

For starters, everybody loves a spot of retail therapy. Yes, even men who profess to hate shopping! After all, shopping isn’t just about carrying the girlfriend’s haul of new clothes and accessories; it’s also about buying new shiny toys like the latest mobile phone or home theatre system. You know the glint in the eye of girls when they’ve gotten the last piece of clothing on sale? That’s the same look in our eyes when we unbox the latest and greatest tech gadget.

Better yet, there’s another great holiday lurking around the corner just a week after that – I’m talking about the New Year, of course. Rarely do we get a chance to enjoy two public holidays in the span of a week, giving some of us the perfect opportunity to get away for a trip abroad or just take a break from the hustle and bustle of a hard year’s work.

So sit yourself down in your favourite armchair, put your feet up and enjoy the festivities. It’s the most wonderful time of the year indeed; a chance for us to look back on the year just past, take stock and get ready for the one to come. Happy holidays!

rip michael joseph jackson

2009-06-26T11:52:00.003+08:00

Michael Jackson passed away today, just a couple of months short of his 51st birthday. I saw the news when I signed into my Twitter account this morning after reaching the office and saw a tweet from CNN announcing it. My first thought was “Aw fuck, no! Please tell me this is a hoax…”

Sadly, it was no hoax. Le Roi de la Pop est mort.

Honestly, I never expected his death – or indeed, the death of any celebrity – to affect me in the least. After all, it’s not like I knew him personally, right? See, I forgot to take into consideration the fact that his music truly touched my life so many times.

When I was little, MJ was the one musician (aside from The Beatles) whose music always filled the house. Of course, back in the 80s, his music filled everybody’s homes, so I’m certainly not alone there. Perhaps that is why I identify so much with his music… Remember when he came to Singapore in 1993? I was there at the National Stadium screaming “I LOVE YOU MICHAEL!” together with my sister.

Yes, given that I was 11 at the time, he may very well have loved me back too, and in more ways than one. But you know, so what? Everybody has their own demons, and I know this is a rather tenuous argument, but no charges brought against him were ever successfully prosecuted, so perhaps it’s not completely true.

In introspective moments, I’ve had Man in the Mirror playing. Whenever I’ve thought of my legendary girlfriend, it’s tended to be She’s Out of My Life that I listen to, sometimes then followed by I Just Can’t Stop Loving You and Rock with You.

Thinking of good friends, sometimes I’ll hear Ben in my head. Or when I’m simply feeling nostalgic, I listen to The Girl Is Mine. There are few songs more appropriate for times you’re feeling energetic as Don’t Stop ‘til You Get Enough, Billie Jean, Beat It or Thriller.

His discography runs the gamut of human emotions; there quite simply is an MJ song appropriate for just about any situation. Unfortunately, right now, the appropriate song is Gone Too Soon.

I’ve always loved MJ’s music, and always will. Rest in Peace, Michael Joseph Jackson. You will be sorely missed.

twitter

2009-06-02T02:15:00.002+08:00

Yes, I've more or less abandoned this blog. It's been almost three quarters of a year since I last updated!

If you're wondering what I've been up to, the short answer is "A lot". As far as my professional life is concerned, I've left my last job and am currently doing something completely unrelated just to get by while looking for something else.

Personal life hasn't changed much though. Still single a year on, in case you're wondering.

Anyway, the point of this post isn't to tell you all that. It's just to let you know that I've sort of migrated to Twitter instead, because microblogging is just so much easier.

So yeah, follow me on Twitter now! (In case you're a bit slow on the uptake, just click on the word "Twitter" to get to my page.)

Oh, another update about myself is that I've finally gone into film photography, something that's intrigued me since I was a little kid. Of course, back then there wasn't such a thing as digital photography, but still... The whole idea of developing film and all that always appealed to me. Did you know one of my dreams as a kid was to eventually have a darkroom in my future home? True story.

Well, you can see the fruits of my labour here on my Flickr photostream now! No, I haven't moved on to developing my own film yet though, I'm still sending them to labs for development. Someday!

There you go, now you know where to find me. Of course, I'm on Facebook almost daily, so if you've already got me there then you probably already know what's been happening with me.

So I guess it's ta for now, until I find the drive to blog again... Which might not be for some time yet.

forever

2008-09-24T02:21:00.002+08:00

Two things happened in the past week that have set me thinking. Well actually it's more like two sets of things, to be more accurate...

First of all, two friends of mine told me last week of their escapades outside of their relationships. These two people don't know each other, and I'm not even particularly close to either of them even though I've known them both for more than a decade, but for some strange reason the stars aligned to prompt them both to tell me about their experiences.

The first guy is my age. He's been in a stable relationship for the past few years, and his girlfriend (whom I've never met before) is, according to him, intelligent, pretty and capable. He's been playing the field for quite some time now, but he now apparently has a stable fuck buddy, if there's such a thing.

The second guy is a bit older, and got married a few years ago. He, too, had been playing the field all this while. Unfortunately his wife found out about the affair and decided to leave him, taking their child along with her.

Now my question is simple: WHY?

Why does the first guy (let's call him A) persist in having these side dishes even when he's already got a main course? Now I don't profess to be a saint, and I sure as hell know what it's like to be tempted, but surely at our age it should be time to start thinking about settling down already? The time for sowing our seed should be over by now! A insists that he's definitely going to marry his girlfriend, and I can only hope for both their sakes that he keeps his dick in his pants after marriage.

That (keeping his dick in his pants) proved to be beyond the second guy (henceforth known as Z), and he's now paying the price. He blames himself for the shame he's brought his parents and for not letting his young child have a complete family, but surely he should've thought about all these things before actually getting it on with that other woman?

Like I mentioned earlier, I'm no saint. I've been tempted before, I've tempted others before, and I've also succumbed to temptation before. It therefore follows that I have no moral authority to judge either A or Z, but what they both told me just can't help but shake my faith in... I dunno. In relationships. In marriage. In myself, even!

How can I be sure that I'll be able to steer clear of temptations when they come beckoning? How can I be sure I won't screw up my marriage (I'm assuming I'll get married eventually) with one reckless action? It's all rather frightening, and not something I really want to think about... Maybe I'm just scared because I know it could very well be me in their shoes, that it could be me wrecking my own happiness with one stupid action, or even a series of them.

Kinda reminds me of this song...

What's the glory in living, indeed?

You know, I think I'll keep the other set of events for a separate post. That's slightly more upbeat, don't wanna mix these two together even though they're linked... Come back in a few days for Part 2!

vietnamese odyssey

2008-09-01T09:02:00.001+08:00

I just got back from 12 days in Vietnam, a sorta backpacking trip that was an experience I enjoyed for simply being something I'd never experienced before, if nothing else. There weren't any "wow" moments; at least nothing that left me breathless and/or speechless, but I've wanted to go backpacking for some time now and it feels good to strike one thing off my list of to-dos.

Along the way I met quite a few people, all of them interesting and with their own stories to tell; all of them helped to make the journey just that little bit less lonely, and it was thanks to all of them that I can say I had a good time... For the most part. There was only one downer, which was the Halong Bay cruise - let's just say they were being a little too literal when they said we'd be sailing on a junk.

The first evening was almost unbearable for me - I felt incredibly alone and isolated, and really dreaded the rest of the trip. Thankfully I met some great people the next day on a day trip to the Cu Chi Tunnels, and hung out with them that night for dinner and drinks; that turned out to be the turning point of the trip as I started talking to just about everyone I sat next to. That certainly helped in making some friends along the way!

As a result of my chattiness on this trip, I've quite possibly made far too many promises to show people around when they come to Singapore so if I ask you out cos I'm showing someone around town, please agree to come along! It'll be fun to get to know someone from the other side of the globe, at the very least.

Oh, and it's my birthday tomorrow. Presents are more than welcome, but don't worry if you can't think of something to get me - I'm more than happy to receive money! Lumps of coal can be kept for Christmas, thank you very much. 26... It just doesn't feel that good somehow. Hopefully I'm proven wrong.

whiteness

2008-07-27T13:39:00.001+08:00

It seems, according to this article at least, that I am white.

Like bread.

Like lilies.

Like (clean, unpolluted) snow.

Like Bobby.

This reminds me of a little story from my childhood. This happened many (and I do mean many) years ago, when I was in kindergarten. The teacher decided to just have a show of hands in the class for the various races, so for example she'd say "Ok now put up your hands if you're Chinese!"

And the Chinese kids would put their hands up.

Got it yet?

Right, so at the end of the entire exercise, yours truly still hadn't put his hand up. Quite understandably, my teacher found it strange and spoke to my mother when she came to pick me up from the kindergarten.

(Exact words of conversation wholly imagined by me, although the gist of it is there)

Teacher: Mrs Leong, are you married to a Caucasian by any chance?

Mom: *Look of incredulity* Erm no, I'm Mrs Leong not Mrs Smith!

Teacher: Oh, because today we (insert description of activity here) and Dominic didn't raise his hand, so I was just wondering...

Mom: *Attention snaps to me* Son, why didn't you raise your hand when the teacher asked if you're Chinese?

Me: Because I'm English!

Mom & Teacher: ............

Me: (continues) Yah, cos we don't speak Chinese at home, we speak English so of course I'm not Chinese right?

I was given a crash course on ethnicity that day, and have remained faithful to my slanty-eyed, yellow-skinned roots since. I mean, my command of Mandarin still sucks and we still speak mainly English (mixed with some Cantonese) at home, but that day was really important. It helped me realise early on that I'm not English, which is a p-r-e-t-t-y important lesson if you ask me...

But then that damn article has just befuddled me again. So... I'm white, just not English? Sheesh, I'm confused.

futurism

2008-07-24T12:46:00.003+08:00

It wasn't meant to be like this
The actions out of sync with words
Leading me ever closer to the abyss

It wasn't meant to be like this
Why do you torture me so
Those dulcet tones that I every day miss

It wasn't meant to be like this
"We're from different worlds"
You always insist

It wasn't meant to be like this
Should this journey you decide to forego
Would that not be remiss?

It wasn't meant to be like this
Your tender touch and soft lips
What did it really mean, that kiss?

love

2008-07-12T01:42:00.001+08:00

⁴ Love is patient and kind;
   love is not jealous or boastful;

⁵ it is not arrogant or rude.
   Love does not insist on its own way;
   it is not irritable or resentful;

⁶ it does not rejoice at wrong,
   but rejoices in the right.

⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
   endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4 - 7

I'm sure everybody's heard this passage before; even if it wasn't in this exact form, at least some bit of it. It doesn't matter if you aren't Christian, I'm sure even atheists would've heard it before. You see, love is such a huge concern of just about everyone that quotes on love are often remembered, especially when the quote is as wise as this one.

I was just thinking about the idea of love a little earlier this evening, and of course this passage immediately came to mind. Love is patient, love is kind, love is all that is great and wonderful... But is that all there is to love?

Love can also be fearful, it can be frightful and it can certainly be daunting. The thing about love is that it forces us to expose ourselves completely, to bare our souls in all our human frailty, and that is the scariest thing that one could ever do.

Nobody wants to expose himself to the possibility of being hurt, but love forces us into that situation. If one doesn't, and tries to protect himself by shielding his heart, can that even be called love? I don't think so - it would be an insult to love to call it as such. To truly love, all we can really do, all we must do, is to completely let go and expose ourselves to hurt. We've got to trust the other person enough, hope that he or she treasures this gift you've given them and doesn't hurt you, but there really isn't anything you can do if they choose to hurt you anyway.

Isn't it silly? Having to place our trust in someone else as fallible as us, hoping to God that they don't mess around with our heart? Leaving yourself completely exposed to that person and trusting, hoping, that the other person opens up and trusts you as well?

It just seems so random, taking stabs in the dark and wild swings, hoping to connect somehow. How do you know when to trust, when to completely expose yourself? And what if two people have exposed all their faults to each other, trusted each other and loved each other, yet it still doesn't work out in the end? What then?

Love may indeed be patient and kind, or it should be at least, but I maintain that it can also be a vicious creature that strikes fear in even the bravest soul. What other thing is there in the world that could inspire such ambivalent emotions?

Love. If only it wasn't such a problematic, capricious creature; it'd be such a beautiful thing.

princess

2008-06-20T02:26:00.004+08:00

Update: It seems the cute little girl in these pictures might not be Princess Aiko after all... In that case I haven't a clue who she is, but she is incredibly adorable.

--------------------------------------------------

Happened to come across some pictures of Japan's Princess Aiko, and I just simply HAD to share them with you! She looks incredibly adorable, the little girl... I just hope my kids will look as cute as this.

Don't you just wish you could pinch her cheeks? Altogether now, AWWWWWWWWWWW.

toil

2008-06-11T19:44:00.006+08:00

Came across a blog where Singapore seminarians share their experiences and thoughts, and there was this particular verse which struck me in one of their posts...

"If Yahweh does not build the house, in vain the masons toil;
if Yahweh does not guard the city, in vain the sentries watch."
Psalms 127:1

I don't even know why it struck me; it just stayed in my mind and refused to go away. Of course it resonates with truth, but then again so does every passage you can get from the Bible.

Maybe it's just something I need to be told at this moment, and He has decided to let me know.

If something isn't anointed with His blessing, it doesn't matter how much one tries - one would be bound to fail. Perhaps that's the message that He's trying to get across to me... Move on and dwell no longer on past failures, for they were never meant to be. After all, if they were meant to happen, surely they would come to pass...

Another verse (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) just popped into my mind as I was typing the above paragraphs:

¹ For everything there is a season,
   and a time for every matter under heaven:

² A time to be born, and a time to die;
   a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

³ a time to kill, and a time to heal;
   a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴ a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
   a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵ a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones
   together;
   a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶ a time to seek, and a time to lose;
   a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷ a time to rend, and a time to sew;
   a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸ a time to love, and a time to hate;
   a time for war, and a time for peace.

Now the main reason that I even know of this passage is because it was made into a song by The Byrds (yes I have a taste for oldies), but as I was searching for the actual words just moments ago I read on further and realised that the next few verses are also about toil.

⁹ What gain has the worker from his toil?

¹⁰ I have seen the business that God has given to the sons
     of men to be busy with.

¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time; also he has
     put eternity into man's mind, yet so that he cannot find
     out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

¹² I know that there is nothing better for them than to be
     happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live;

¹³ also that it is God's gift to man that every one should eat
     and drink and take pleasure in all his toil.

The best part is that I titled this post before I even thought of Ecclesiastes 3, and before reading verses 9-13.

Well well well... Maybe He really is trying to tell me something.

The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is a Season)

tonight i can write the saddest lines

2008-05-31T16:31:00.003+08:00

Tonight I can write the saddest lines by Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

(Translated by W.S. Merwin)

hair for hope '08

2008-05-15T20:31:00.003+08:00

I'm a decent guy. Really. Well ok maybe not all the time, but I try to be... I try my best, and most of the time, when I remember, I actually am a pretty decent guy. I think.

Anyway, when I saw the poster for this year's Hair for Hope, I thought to myself "Well, why not?" After all, I'd been very tempted to get involved in Hair for Hope the last few years - I'd just either chickened out at the last moment or wasn't around in Singapore to do it. What was different this year? I honestly don't know, but I just felt like doing it. Thing is I didn't want to do it for nothing; I wanted to be sure that I'd at least raise some funds for the Children's Cancer Foundation!

I did what any rational person in my situation would do - I put the word out that I was willing to get my head shaved, but I wanted a certain amount to be pledged before I took the plunge. Within 18 hours I'd gotten very encouraging replies which made hitting that target I set seem only a case of when and not if, so I went ahead and registered.

So yes, I will now be getting my head shaved completely bald. The reason why participants shave their heads completely bald is to show solidarity with the kids who lose their hair when they undergo chemotherapy, in case you were wondering.

Take this as my appeal to you, my 3 loyal readers, to make a pledge to the Children's Cancer Foundation. This is the link:

http://www.ccf.org.sg/hfh/webApp/shaveeBIO.php?shaveeId=223

Feel free to leave a message of support by clicking on the "Post a message" button, or make an online pledge by clicking on the (duh) "Online Pledge" button. If you choose to make an online pledge, you can make the donation by credit/debit card payment.

Know what's the best part? All donations are tax-deductible! That means that if you pledge $50, you'll pay $50 LESS in income tax for this financial year! How great is that? Helping charity and still getting tax relief! So come on, don't give your money to the bloodsuckers at the IRAS. Give it to poor children with cancer instead!

If you're on Facebook, join the group I created for this...

Shave Dom

I've also created an event listing on Facebook for the public shaving event that will be held on Sunday 6 July.

If you want to see me get shaved, come to Velocity@Novena Square that day! I don't know the exact timing for my shave yet, but the event will be from 12noon to 7pm. I'll update the event listing and also keep you updated here once I know my timeslot.

In the meantime, please start making your pledges!!! If you donate but are unable to make it on the 6th of July, I promise to send you a video.

Remember, donate!

the search for singapore's happiest person

2008-04-15T16:41:00.004+08:00

According to this article, four finalists have been chosen in the search for Singapore's happiest person.

Four finalists chosen in search for Singapore's Happiest Person

SINGAPORE : The search for Singapore's Happiest Person has been narrowed down to just four people.

The final four were chosen from 207 people nominated for the title of "Singapore's Happiest Person".

Sharon Pereira said, "I nominated my mom because she's a truly awesome gift to me, my brothers and my dad. I love her so much. She's just an amazing person. She makes me happy."

On being one of the finalists, Zaibun Nissa Siraj, Training Consultant, HR Office, Ngee Ann Polytechnic, said, "Very good, very happy I guess, but (am) very touched that my colleagues actually recommended me."

Stella Fernandez, Porter, Patient Transport Service, KK Women's and Children's Hospital, said, "I'm very, very surprised. Really"

The other two nominees are Ng Chai Lee, a record searcher at a polyclinic, and Andy Goh, an engineer.

Dr Leong Chan Hoong, Judge, Head of Psychology Programme, SIM University, said, "They are different from the rest in a sense that they are not just happy for themselves, but they are also being able to make that kind of happiness something...that would inspire people around them."

The four have been shortlisted by local consulting firm, Global Leadership Academy.

It launched the search for Singapore's Happiest Person last month, as part of its well-being conference, which will be held in late-April.

The name of "chosen one" will be announced on Thursday, and he or she will win a two-night hotel stay in Phuket, Thailand. - CNA/ms

Wow, so there are regular people who are actually happy! Yes, happy in Singapore despite being told that it is our fault that a terrorist escaped, and that we can't expect the gahmen to take care of security issues (But of course! After all we, the man and woman in the street, were the ones who detained Mas Selamat right?).

Happy despite being told that we just have to live with rising prices, despite the fact that the income gap in Singapore is widening relentlessly, and that the police decided to expend manpower on arresting peaceful demonstrators instead of concentrating on locating a missing (limping) terrorist.

I must say that these people sure are optimists. I mean, I certainly wouldn't have thought it'd be one of these regular Joes and Janes who're the four finalists of this search.

If you ask me, the four happiest Singaporeans are these people!

Don't they look like shiny happy people?

life at 25

2007-10-10T18:11:00.000+08:00

Once again, apologies for the lack of updates... I've just been really busy with life in general. Work's still good, even after close to two months, so that's a good thing. I still find myself enjoying the work and not dreading coming to work as I did at one or two of my previous jobs, and I think a lot of that is down not just to the work I do but also the office environment. It's very informal, very casual, so I don't feel like I'm working per se. Yup, definitely enjoying myself so far!

I haven't been able to update this blog much cos nowadays I rarely go online when I'm at home. I'm online all day in the office, and I usually go someplace after work. By the time I get home, there's just enough time to squeeze in a shower and maybe veg out in front of the TV for a while before going to bed, so there isn't much spare time to spend online at home. If you've been wondering where I've disappeared to in the evenings, now you know!

Out-of-office activities have mostly been with the girlfriend, sometimes with other friends and on occasion some healthy exercise stuff. Street soccer, badminton, that sorta thing, though obviously it isn't as regular as it was when I was in Churchill... Oh, and I've started going for this bible study sorta thing too. Need to beef up my knowledge man... Especially since I'm planning to become a secondary-level catechist! That still isn't confirmed, but chances are I'll be doing that before too long.

All in all things are still going well, thankfully. A few issues here and there, certainly, but nothing I won't survive. I still am not saving enough money, but hopefully that'll ease a little in the coming months. Not gonna be easy, but I guess I'll just have to force myself to become a little more disciplined.

And here I was thinking there'd be more financial freedom once I start working. Phooey.

the land of the LAH

2007-09-06T17:47:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates... I've simply been way too busy to update! Well ok fine, I've been rather lazy as well but that can be excused can't it...

So anyway, I've been really blessed since I came back to Singapore. Looks like God really wanted me to come back so that He could work his magic... I mean, how else do you explain me being able to get a job just 4 days after my return? And not just any job, but a job in the industry I wanted to get into – public relations. I'm really thankful for the incredible blessings He's showered me with.

Work so far has been great; I'm enjoying every moment of it and my colleagues are wonderful too. It's a pretty relaxed office, so I don't have to worry constantly about things like in some of my previous workplaces. The hours are excellent too... 9.30 to 6.30, which is right up my alley since I'm a late riser!

I've really been having it good the past 3 or 4 weeks. Of course I still think of Gippsland once in a while, but I can't really complain about things now that I'm home. Been meeting up with friends as well as my girl, so I've been busy... Busy in a good way though! It sure beats sitting around at home twiddling my thumbs, for sure.

Got a friend's wedding to host in November, the third one I'll be doing. It's scary, this whole growing up thing. I turned a quarter of a century old on the Sunday just past, which means my extended family is probably going to start asking me when I plan to settle down and all that every Chinese New Year from next year till I finally do settle down. I've been spared so far, but I really don't think it's gonna last much longer.

Growing up also means I really have to start planning for the future and everything. Not that I haven't, but now that I've finally completed my degree it just makes it (planning for the future) pretty much the only thing I have to do. I was sitting down trying to work out a budget the other day and came to the depressing conclusion that I need to get an increment really soon if I'm to pay off my loan within the next few years... Oh well.

Meeting the November groom-to-be in an hour or so, together with his fiancée and my girl. Should be fun catching up!

running

2007-09-06T11:14:00.000+08:00

It's never a good thing running into an ex... Especially one whom you feel was the one that got away. I can't say I'm not happy now with the one I'm with, but there are just differences... I guess it'll always be unfair to anyone after you happened to me.

You're just as beautiful as ever. Once again my thoughts ran so far ahead of me that I couldn't catch up, and once again I began to feel those familiar doubts. I can't help it... I know it isn't fair to her but I've been thinking of you all morning. I wish I wouldn't... I really wish I could see you and not have to think about the past.

Of course it doesn't help that there was that discussion I had with her last night about our beliefs. Some very fundamental differences indeed, and I don't know if they can be bridged. I pray that somehow, someday, she'll come round to my point of view but that's all I can do for now - pray. Just like all I can do now is pray to someday forget you. Truly, truly, forget you.

Guess I'm still not as over you as I want to be.

final churchill post

2007-08-09T23:57:00.000+08:00

Yup, this is gonna be my last blog post from Churchill. The plan is to go to the city tomorrow morning, so that I can meet a friend for lunch... Dinner with some of the Dalpura Court people, then clubbing at Seven with another group. I'll obviously be staying the night in the city, and I probably won't have access to the internet so this might well be my final blog post from Australia and not just Churchill.

It's been quite a ride, these past 6 months... I've said this many times, but it really bears repeating. I've thoroughly enjoyed myself this past half a year! As a friend put it yesterday, my 6-month holiday has drawn to a close, and now I'm returning to the droll real world in Singapore. Sigh... I'm really gonna miss this place. The glorious sunsets, the beautiful night sky blanketed with stars... As if that wasn't bad enough, I'm going back to the stifling heat and humidity of Singapore from WINTER over here! I'm so gonna die.

So. To everyone from Monash Gippsland who's reading this, a heartfelt thank you from me. For making the last 6 months so special, for your friendship, for making Churchill a great place to be despite there not really being much to do here... For the fellowship, the wonderful gatherings, the great dinners together. For everything. Thanks for everything... Really. I'm gonna miss Churchill, but definitely not as much as I'm gonna miss you guys.

Singaporeans - we MUST meet when you come back to Singapore yeah?

Everyone else - please give me a ring if you ever come to Singapore!

So long, folks... And thank you very much for all the memories I'll be bringing with me. Seeya soon, hopefully!

P.S. Happy National Day to all Singaporeans!

skydiving!!!

2007-08-09T22:03:00.000+08:00

Went skydiving on Tuesday... I'll keep it simple. Mindblowingly fun, awesomely exhilarating. That is all. Pictures below... Bandwidth killer alert!

Hard arch position

Trying on the goggles...

Thanks for accompanying me guys! L-R: Sharon, How, myself and Ken

L-R: Janine Hayes, Chief Instructor; myself; Ken Hills, Tandem Master

Checking out the plane

Being a pilot was one of my ambitions as a kid...

It was a glorious day... So sunny we couldn't even open our eyes properly!

All aboard...

Takeoff

Climing to 10,000 feet

Getting ready to jump...

Geronimooooooooooooo!

Freedom

Freefallin'

Thumbs up!

The best feeling in the world.

Deploying the 'chute...

Oooof!

Landing...

I wanna go again!!!

Happiest person on earth

Just like Coke... You can't beat the feeling.

no go

2007-08-03T17:28:00.000+08:00

Can't say I didn't expect it, but I didn't get the job at the uni... What is surprising, though, is that I didn't even make the shortlist of candidates for the interview! Oh well. I was rather disappointed of course, but at least now I know for certain what's gonna happen. Despite this development, I can honestly say I'm happy. I've got plenty to be thankful for; the past (just under) 6 months have been quite possibly the best 6 months of my life. I'm really glad I came over to Australia, even if it was only for one semester... And yes, I know how blessed I am that I was even able to come over to begin with.

So back to Singapore it is, and I'm flying off next Saturday at 7.20pm. Will be touching down at Changi Airport on the 12th though, at 1am... Emirates flight EK405, for anyone who might be interested in sending me off or picking me up! Heh...

Anyway, here are some long overdue photos of my trip to the Gold Coast after the exams in late June!

Driving to Melbourne in a rented Toyota Corolla...

Before takeoff...

Waiting for the bus outside Carrara Market

Outside Whitewater World

Ken and I roasting a turtle outside Whitewater World

All of us! (Inside Whitewater World)

The Whitewater World lifeguards... Heh.

Post-slide

Pancakes in Paradise... We'll never look at pancakes the same way ever again.

All you can eat pancakes... Shudder.

Smurfs in Dreamworld

Wiped out!

Byron & Alex tickling my feet. Bastards.

Entrance to heaven!

Supermen

Outside Wayne Manor (aka Batman 2: The Ride)

Camwhoring in Wayne Manor

Lethal Weapon

We're Chinese, we'll kung-fu your ass!

Resting at the end of a long day

Housemates for a week!

Zorb Gold Coast...

...the most fun 3 straight guys can have in a ball.

Officially a Zorber!

That's me upside down, rolling down in a Wet Harness Zorb.

Hell yeah!

Everybody's gotta try Zorbing once in his or her life man, seriously.

Jump!

Guys

ISA group photo @ Surfers Paradise!

All good things must come to an end... On the tarmac at Coolangatta.

or maybe not...

2007-07-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

There's a chance I might not be going back to Singapore after all. I just applied for a job at Monash, and if I get shortlisted for an interview, that'll happen at the end of next week. It's rather unlikely that I'll get it for several reasons, chief among them being that there are several current Monash staff who're interested in it... The most likely candidate being one of the student records officers in HUMCASS (aka the Arts faculty) because she has some prior experience in the position I'm applying for.

The only thing in my favour is that the position is with the International Student Support Unit; being an international myself is (hopefully) going to work in my favour I guess... Then again, they might still prefer an Australian to fill the position. Who knows? I'll just leave it to God. If I get this job, I'll take it to mean that He wants me to stay on here in Australia; if not, it means He prefers me back in Singapore.

If I do get it, that'll be really excellent. Firstly the pay is very attractive; starting pay for fresh grads over here for just about any job is about $3k and up, and that's in AUD. In Singapore an Arts grad like myself would be extremely lucky to get $2500! Secondly, the job is right here in Churchill at the uni so I won't have to relocate... Rent here is much cheaper than it would be in the city, and being out here means I'd spend less. Knowing myself, I wouldn't be able to save much if I find employment in the city - too many temptations! I'd also probably be able to afford a car after a few months, something which would be completely out of my reach in Singapore for a few years yet.

I was just chatting with Alvin over MSN earlier today, and he mentioned his plans to get his first car... A mutual friend is also planning to get one soon. I have to admit I'm quite envious of them... Of course I'm happy for my friends since they've obviously worked hard for the money, but I was just thinking to myself about how impossible it would be for me to get a car in Singapore at that age. I simply haven't been doing enough with my life, unlike them... I'd been using the lousy excuse of having to study for my degree, but Alvin completed his part-time whereas I enjoyed the luxury of coming over for my final semester. Even then, that excuse is no longer valid since I've graduated! Well, guess I just have to start making something of myself from now on... Let's hope my first job, whatever or wherever it may be, will be something I can really excel in.

Pray for me guys!

homebound soon

2007-07-09T21:27:00.000+08:00

I just booked my return flight to Singapore a week ago. I'll be departing Melbourne at 7.20pm on Saturday the 11th of August, and touching down at Changi at 1am on the 12th. I'm happy to be going home, but also undeniably sad that I'll be leaving Melbourne... It just suddenly hit me today. In about a month I'll be back in Singapore, and the past half a year will slowly become nothing but a memory... A much-cherished memory, to be sure. I've done so much here; gotten involved in the ISA, done waaay too much shopping, started playing proper football, made several truly good friends, and even managed to squeeze a bit of studying in to boot. It's been a wonderful time, and if I'm honest I just don't want it to end.

On the other hand, I've also got somebody waiting for me back home and I can't wait to get back to be with her. Staying here would be wonderful, but it isn't quite a viable option if I can't even get a job to support myself. I looked at the Classifieds and there simply aren't many jobs of the sort I'd wanna do - even if there are, what're the odds of an ethnic Chinese Singaporean getting one when I don't qualify for PR? The regulations are changing, but not soon enough for me unfortunately. In an ideal world I'd have it all; a job here and my girl with me too but that isn't gonna happen so I've gotta go home and get a job there.

My mood isn't exactly lifted by the fact that I'm missing the Gold Coast as well! Ten of us went on a 6D5N trip there almost immediately after the exams, and we had an absolute blast there... So much so that pretty much everything else after has become an anti-climax! It's only the second time I've ever been on a holiday with friends, and considering that the first was just a short three or four day trip to Kuala Lumpur, you'd understand if I say that doesn't quite compare.

Oh I dunno. Guess I'm just in one of those moods... Contemplative, reflective and just generally blue. I hate it when I get like this man! Urgh. I miss Australia already.

jesus christ: the musical

2007-06-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm going to hell for posting this clip... But hey, we all knew that already didn't we?

no one else

2007-06-09T04:12:00.000+08:00

This song... It just speaks to me right now. Maybe not as extreme as "never leaves the house", but you get what I mean.

Weezer - No One Else

My girl's got a big mouth
With which she blabbers a lot
She laughs at most everything
Whether it's funny or not
And if you see her
Tell her it's over now

I want a girl who will laugh for no one else
When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf
When I'm away she never leaves the house
I want a girl who laughs for no one else

My girl's got eyeballs
In the back of her head
She looks around and around
You know it makes me sad to see her like that
Please don't believe her - she says that for anyone
And if you see her
Tell her it's a hey hey hey hey

I want a girl who will laugh for no one else
When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf
When I'm away she never leaves the house
I want a girl who laughs for no one else

And if you see her
Tell her it's over now

And if you see her
Tell her it's over now

And if you watch her go (watch her go)
Watch her, watch her, watch her, watch her!

I want a girl who will laugh for no one else
When I'm away she puts her makeup on the shelf
When I'm away she never leaves the house
I want a girl who laughs for no one else, no one else

updating blog format

2007-06-05T16:40:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, I need a little help with my blog format. Notice my sidebar? Yeah, it's a little too long for my liking... The blog archive bit especially is getting too long! I've noticed some of my friends' blogs have this collapsible archive thing where older posts are just lumped together by year, for example all posts from 2005 will be under one header which will expand when you click on it. I think that's a far better look than my current layout, which looks far too cluttered for my liking!

So I'm asking people who know about this stuff (HTML or whatever) to please help me out... I can provide you with the current coding I use, I don't wanna change anything except for the archives bit. If my explanation is a little fuzzy, take a look at Blogger's own preview page...

http://preview-dots-dark.blogspot.com/?hl=en

This is exactly the same template I'm using, but for some strange reason my archives are still done the old way. Someone help me please!!!

gown day!

2007-06-03T02:59:00.000+08:00

Finally, after 4 long years of studies, I am a graduate. Well, almost anyway. All I gotta do is clear the 3 papers I have in the next 3 weeks or so and I'm done! While the graduation ceremony proper will only take place in October, the graduating students in Gippsland had the opportunity to rent our graduation gowns to take photos around the campus on Friday... Yes, that includes me!

It just felt really good to have the gown on. It may seem silly, but it's true! It may only be just a few pieces of fabric, but the difference was just... I dunno, I can't quite find the words. I felt more important; like I'd achieved something. Whatever it was... Damn, I felt great.

Some pics I took! A heck of a lot of them, so don't say I didn't warn you...

activities and the like

2007-05-24T04:48:00.000+08:00

Yeah yeah, this post is for those of you who've been bugging me to update!

Final assignment of my life as a Monash student is due on Friday, and I'm still struggling with my readings. I'm so dead man... As if that wasn't bad enough, my first paper is in 2 weeks! Arghhhhhh...... If there's any consolation to be found, it's that at least I will have 11 days after that to prepare for my other 2 papers.

Anyway, I've been sorta planning a trip to the Gold Coast during the winter break... Well it's the winter break for those who're still gonna be students, at least. For me it's just more or less a graduation trip! Heh... I've been doing a little bit of research online, and so far I'm thinking of 3 main activities for the trip:

1. Dreamworld
2. Warner Bros. Movie World
3. ZORBING!!!!!!!!!!

In case you dunno what zorbing is, check out the Wikipedia entry on it. I first read about it on Kenny Sia's blog, and when I realised there was one in Australia as well, I knew I just had to do it. I mean, how often am I gonna be in a country that offers this man?! The only rubbish thing about this is that the pricing seems to be a bit confusing... There are third-party tour operators offering packages, and they're actually cheaper than the prices from the actual operator of Zorb in Australia! Weird, I tell you... The sole reason I can think of to explain this strangeness is that the actual operator's prices are per ride and not packages; flexibility comes at a price I guess.

Dreamworld and Movie World seem pretty straightforward... $64 for a one-day ticket for each theme park. I only hope it won't be too crowded on the days we go! Does anyone have any idea when the school holidays in Queensland are? Gotta avoid those dates like the plague man.

Those three activities are gonna take up 3 days, so I'm probably looking at a 5-day trip or something. One of the guys is thinking of driving up... My initial reaction was "He's mad!!!" but we might have to consider it seriously since the flights, even on budget airlines, will cost something like $300 return each. Damn, a 1,350km drive. That's gonna take absolutely forever.

Oh and I'm also gonna make sure the ISA organises a skydiving trip next semester! Yes, I'm stepping down from my Public Relations Officer position after this sem (I have to), but I'm still gonna be around to hound the people who're staying on... And hound them I will! Skydiving will be closer to Churchill... It's only in Traralgon, in fact - just a 15-minute drive away. It's gonna cost a pretty penny (39,500 of them, in fact) but I reckon it'll be worth every cent. I mean, I sure as hell won't get to skydive in Singapore! We barely have enough airspace to fit a few helicopters during the National Day Parade, with our skyscrapers and all... So yeah, I'm definitely gonna push for a skydiving trip before I return to Singapore.

I really can't wait for the next month or so to be over. After that... Woohoo! Anyway, a few photos taken since my last update. Enjoy!

Glendonald Park

...and some after-dinner silliness.

Shine Potluck Dinner

shanghaied

2007-05-15T00:23:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday, the International Students' Association (ISA) of the Monash University Gippsland Campus organised the annual Culture Night ball. This year it was themed Shanghai Night, and can I just say it was a heck of a success? Considering that the whole committee was only convened about a month before the event took place, we managed to pull off a helluva show. Of course there was a lot of work done, and unfortunately not everyone in the committee pulled his (or her) weight, but in the end those of us who did managed to bring it all together.

It was, according to people who gave us feedback, a thoroughly enjoyable night with great fun and great food... I wouldn't really know, to be honest, because most of us in the committee were too busy running around serving the food and generally making sure things were fine to know what the experience was for a guest! Still, I really enjoyed the whole experience. The satisfaction of pulling it off was second-to-none, seriously.

Anyway, a few friends from Singapore saw a photo of me taken during Shanghai Night, and they all seemed to agree that I look quite different... Which is strange, really, because I don't think there's been much of a change! Surely just a couple of months won't have made such a big difference?

Alright, so my hairstyle's slightly (but only very slightly) changed, cos of different stylists and all... And I've also let some facial hair grow out, just for the heck of it and to see what it'd look like... But that's it! Just last night, a friend saw me on webcam and commented that I looked chubbier too... That's certainly a good thing for me, since I'm rather on the slim side, but I haven't noticed much of a difference myself. Hmmm.

Tell you what. I'm gonna let you judge for yourself aye? The photo of Alvin & I was taken in late January, recent enough eh?

Compare that to this shot taken last Wednesday...

What do you think, do I really look that different? One comment I got was that I "finally look my age"... Let me know what you think!

unexpected sparks

2007-05-02T03:09:00.000+08:00

Many a time in the past, after lamenting my sad state of singlehood, friends would always tell me to stop looking. No, not because they wanted me to give up on ever finding someone. Rather, they said that the moment you stop trying to look out for that special someone, there's bound to be someone who pops up. You know how sometimes we lose something - our keys, for example - and look all over but just cannot find it no matter how hard we try? Yet a couple of days later, once you've given up and made a new set of keys there it is, clear as day. Yup, same concept.

Well this concept's a real bitch. I mean, it's sweet and all, I know... That doesn't make it any less of a bitch though. So yeah, it's a sweet bitch. Sometimes you're just minding your own business, not expecting anything to happen at all... Hell, not even wanting anything to happen, but it does. Case in point? How about this, for starters. It was always gonna end in tears, of course, but that's another issue altogether. My point is that this kinda shit just has a knack of sneaking up on you and jacking you from behind when you least expect it.

I know I've been talking about it like some sort of disease so far... While that is true for some of the relationships I've been in, there've also been pleasant examples of love sneaking up on me. My relationship with the girl I've loved the most, for example, came rather unexpectedly. I was actually going after this other girl for the longest time, and she was supporting me while silently liking me... Rather like some sappy TVB serial, no? But I digress. The point is that this sort of thing just always seems to ambush you just as you're on the verge of contemplating entering the priesthood or something, you know?

You don't have to take my word for it. Way back in the 18th century, Samuel Johnson had already commented on this phenomenon, and said thus:

Pleasure is very seldom found where it is sought.
Our brightest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.

Indeed, truer words were never spoken. Unexpected sparks... That's it. That's exactly it.

singapore vs australia

2007-04-28T05:29:00.000+08:00

As some of you might know, I want to stay on in Australia after I graduate. I'd already been thinking about it before I came over, and the past few months spent here have really affirmed this. There were a few jitters just before my departure from Singapore, but thankfully these were allayed when I rather successfully adapted to life in Churchill. Of course it's still early days yet, but I think I can quite confidently say that I prefer life here to life back in Singapore. Perhaps that will change; perhaps the only reason I like things so much here is that it's still a rather novel experience for me. Who knows? At this moment though, I'm definitely still in favour of staying on.

My lifestyle has been far more balanced since I got here. I've joined a football team which has regular training sessions and takes part in a properly organised league; in fact I'm officially registered with Football Federation Australia as an amateur player! Aside from that, my housemates play badminton and tennis on a regular basis... I join them for those too. Compare this to my life in Singapore: either on my computer at home, or even if I'm out it'd only be to hang out with friends in non-sports activities. For the first time in a long, long time, I actually feel a little motivated to work on my fitness!

The nature in Australia's amazing too. You don't have to take my word for it, just look at my previous posts and you'll see what glorious sights I have right at my doorstep. What do we have in Singapore? Bukit Timah and MacRitchie Reservoir. What do we have in Victoria? Mount Baw Baw and Wilsons Prom. Hardly an equal contest is it? I guess in a sense Singapore is handicapped; the sheer size disadvantage it has compared to Victoria (let's not even talk about the whole of Australia) means that there's a whole lot less that could possibly be there.

Then there's the whole issue of housing and transport... Both of these are so much more affordable in Australia! In Singapore I'd probably have to work for several years before I can even consider getting a car. Over here the cars are so much cheaper that if I can discipline myself to save, I'd be able to afford a car within a year. Housing's the same.

Friends who know me well enough will know how I feel about Singapore... It's pretty much a love-hate relationship, like most long-term relationships tend to be. I love it because no matter what, it is my home and always will be. My family and friends are in Singapore, I've lived in Singapore all my life bar the past couple of months, and well... It's just familiar. At the same time familiarity breeds contempt, and I guess that's what's happened. I disagree with plenty of things in Singapore. I disagree with the way the country is run, I detest the way some things (e.g. the politics) work, I wish there wasn't so much damn pressure on Singaporeans. It's quite a contradiction, actually. I hate Singapore precisely because I love it so much. I wish it were something else; something different, yet familiar.

Of course it's not all doom and gloom... Singapore definitely has its advantages over Melbourne/the Latrobe Valley. For one, I don't have to even think about racism. I'm quite fortunate not to have encountered direct racism aimed at me yet, but I really think it's only a matter of time. Many of my friends have already encountered this problem, and while it's not exactly a prevalent thing, it still does exist.

Secondly, there is absolutely no nightlife here. Shops close at 5, and late night shopping in Melbourne city means that some shops close at 9pm on Fridays. If you dare to describe 9pm as late night shopping in Singapore, you'd be laughed off the street! Late night shopping in Singapore is buying stuff from Mustafa at 4am in the morning man... Even better if it's the Great Singapore Sale or Christmas period - then some shopping centres even close at midnight or beyond. Supper over here consists of buying something when you get your groceries and cooking it if you get hungry. Supper in Singapore simply means heading to the closest 24-hour kopitiam or McDonald's!

So it isn't all a bed of roses over here, but I still feel it's got an edge over Singapore. Given that I currently don't satisfy the immigration requirements to stay on after graduating, this is all probably moot anyway... I'm still gonna try and see if I can get a job here though. I mean, hey, no harm in trying right? Worst-case scenario, I don't get a job here, at least I'll be able to say I've experienced a bit of life abroad. Even if I do land a job, I know I'll eventually return to Singapore anyway... I just hope I get to add some overseas working experience to my CV before returning home.

The only true dealbreaker I can think of is that the Aussies insist on referring to some bastardised version of rugby as football. There's only one type of football: the type played with a round ball, not a bloody egg. You Aussies (along with the stupid Americans) have got it all wrong!

dick lee is my idol

2007-04-25T02:05:00.000+08:00

He is. The man has bags of talent, it's just too bad Singapore's so small... Worse still, most of us don't even appreciate his gifts! Just watch this clip and you'll probably agree.

road trip to wilsons prom

2007-04-20T05:47:00.000+08:00

Alright I know this is a little late, but better late than never right? As promised in my previous post, here are some of the pics my friends and I took on the road trip to the beautiful place that is Wilsons Prom. The drive was longer than expected, but perhaps that was due to us getting a little lost...

I'll just let the photos do (most of) the talking for this one.

A taste of things to come...

First stop: Squeaky Beach.

The sand actually squeaks when you walk on the beach!

We all look like farmers man.

Making my mark...

Look ma, no feet!

Dusting off the sand before moving on...

Start of the "Easy" trail... Which took an hour and a half. If that's easy, I really don't wanna know what's "Hard".

Bloody huge uprooted tree. Just the roots alone were like double my height!

Animals sometimes hide in hollowed-out tree trunks.

All-natural toilet bowl! Biodegradable too.

No bloody idea what bird this is, but my friends said it's a kookaburra.

Tidal River

On to another beach...

In case you're wondering, those people are pulling a boat in.

Even the kid behind joined in the fun!

As you can probably see, we all had a lot of fun there. The hike was tougher than we'd expected, since it was classified as an "Easy" trail... Oh, and we didn't get to see any wildlife on the trail too - all flora, no fauna. It was a good experience though, all in all... I'd certainly go back there again if I have the chance. Beautiful place.

easter sunday

2007-04-10T16:08:00.000+08:00

How did I spend my Easter Sunday? Well I obviously went to church in the morning, but besides that it was a pretty packed day!

Went go-karting with Yong, Mel and Eileen... Ying was there too, but she couldn't join us on the track cos she wasn't wearing covered shoes. Pity! Had a real blast there, so much so that I have a blister on my right palm to show for it, and my arms are still aching from just 15 minutes of go-karting. It's more tiring than I thought it'd be!

We had to wear these slightly gay-looking hair whatchamacallits before putting on our helmets...

Caught in traffic

Move aside, Alonso!

Our timings midway through the session... We all improved by the end.

See, I wasn't lying! I was in Kart 2. Not bad for a first-timer!

Went home after that to rest for a while and cook dinner... Sunday wasn't important just cos of Easter. See, it was Jasper's birthday! Jasper is, of course, my adopted pooch. He just turned one! We had a little mini-celebration for him, and all felt retarded doing it but we sang him a birthday song too.

Who says a dog's life is a bad thing?

Later that night, we went to catch a movie at Mid Valley. The first movie I've watched ever since I got here... Wild Hogs was pretty decent. You aren't gonna get blown away by the intricacies of the plot by any measure, but if you want to just be entertained by a light-hearted comedy, you won't go far wrong with it. The cast is pretty damn impressive too!

Singaporeans, stop complaining about high ticket prices. RIGHT NOW.

So that was my Easter Sunday. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I went on a road trip to Wilsons Prom yesterday... Took a boatload of pics there! I'm gonna take a while to select which ones to put up, so you'll have to be a little patient. I'll try to get them up here by the end of the week! Had a lot of fun there, by the way. I wouldn't mind going again!

a walk in the park

2007-04-10T02:04:00.000+08:00

Spent most of Saturday attending a Christian talk about Love, Marriage & Sex... Yes, I go for stuff like that too. It was a pretty interesting talk, and there were a lot of Biblical references which isn't surprising given that it was organised by a Protestant group. That's one thing about Catholics... We (the average Catholic like yours truly at least) don't really refer to the Bible all that much. We do, of course, but the difference is if you see someone in the street carrying a Bible, chances are that guy's a Protestant. If only there was some way to get the average Catholic just a little more interested in that kinda stuff... There were a couple of things mentioned which I was rather uncomfortable with, though. Some pretty legalistic stuff, which is ironic since Protestants are usually the ones accusing Catholics of being overly legalistic etc etc.

Anyway. Went for a walk to the nearby hill after the talk and just before dinner, and we had a lot of fun there! The incline was pretty steep, but the view was definitely worth it. A few pics of us killing time while waiting to see the sunset...

It's steeper than it looks.

Victorious shadows

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's the first random pose I could think of!

View from the top...

...and from the bottom.

Through a looking glass

Aggressor and victim

...and the rest copied my idea!

Mid-yawn.

Speak softly, carry a big stick.

Weightlifting

And finally, what we were waiting for.

Almost gone...

One more group shot for the road!

Star light, star bright...

Went go-karting on Sunday, and then a road trip today! Pics of those to come when I feel not so lazy. I love Australia.

pascal at 2 in the morning

2007-04-05T02:06:00.000+08:00

With one notable exception, I've never really had any problems getting over someone. That's not to say I don't mourn the passing of a relationship, but it's always been a matter of how long I take to get over someone properly - for me it's never been more than, say, a month or two. I guess my solution has always been avoidance; I avoid any sort of contact with that person until I'm certain I no longer harbour feelings of the romantic sort towards her. I busy myself with other things; immerse myself with social activities and even the odd antisocial activity too. Basically anything that will, no matter how fleetingly, take my mind off her until one day I realise I can think of her and not feel any heartache. I know it isn't exactly the best method anyone's ever thought of, but at least it works to a certain extent.

What happens, though, if there's just no way of avoiding that person? If you just have to see her every single day, and worst of all have to pretend that everything is fine and dandy? Ok wait, that sounds horrible. Let me rephrase that... It isn't so much that things aren't fine, it's just that they aren't as peachy as one might think.

Sure, we've had a chat and pretty much figured out that well... It pretty much is certain that it's not gonna happen. Not now, and probably not ever. If I'm honest, I have to say that looking at it pragmatically, that's probably for the best. While we do seem compatible on the surface, there are other things to consider and certain deep-seated beliefs that have to be overcome before one could even consider going near the subject. And we all know some beliefs just can't be shaken - hell, not even stirred - no matter how misguided they may be. So yeah, it's probably for the best that we aren't going near there.

Yet... We all know what they say about the heart and the mind being two very different creatures, don't we? Reason provides more than ample justification for me to just forget it and move on, but the heart is anything but rational. It's especially difficult to convince myself of the benefits of moving on when I see the object of my consternation on an almost daily basis, you know? It's like there's just no running away. It's nobody's fault, it's just the way things are.

I wonder if getting older makes things like moving on easier? Or does it have the opposite effect of actually making it more difficult? Times like these, I just wish I was a callous bastard of a player. Times like these, I remember why this is one of my all-time favourite quotes...

Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît point
(Translation: The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of)
- Blaise Pascal

A beautifully crafted line with so much meaning in just a few words... It could only be from the French.

your friendly neighbourhood pr guy

2007-03-29T22:48:00.000+08:00

Just got back an hour or so ago from school, where the by-elections for the International Students' Association were held... A few posts were up for grabs, and your truly nabbed one of them! Heh... It was actually a rather last-minute decision on my part to run; before last week I didn't even think about running for any of the available posts cos I'm only gonna be here for one semester. After hearing from some friends that others had done that before, however, I decided to give it a shot and run for the post of Public Relations Officer. Well guess what, I got it!

In part I guess I was kinda lucky, because the heavyweights (aka the students who've been here for longer than I have) were all running for other posts. My competitors were a Malaysian who, like me, just arrived at this campus, along with this other guy who nobody else seems to have seen before. I don't really care how I won or who I won against though... What matters is that I got elected! Woohoo!

It was actually pretty funny, how it all happened. I was outside the Student Union Lounge (where the elections took place) before the event started canvassing for votes like nobody's business, and a couple of other people were even helping me out! Haha... I never imagined I'd become, dare I say it, this popular over here in just over a month. I mean, I'm really not trying to blow my own trumpet or anything, but seriously! I was quite pleasantly surprised at how much support I had.

There are now 4 (out of 14) current ISA executive committee members and a former ISA president living at Dalpura Court, the place I moved to a couple of weeks ago. Pretty cool stuff! What's great is that I actually already know most of the other exco members, so hopefully that'll be helpful.

Anyway I've been listening to Mika's album almost non-stop for the past week or so. It's unbelievably catchy! I'm sure you've heard Grace Kelly by now, but that is far from the only great song on the album. Life in Cartoon Motion is just one mind-blowingly exuberant, upbeat bubblegum pop classic after another! He's incredibly talented, he is. One really wouldn't expect such campy stuff from a classically-trained musician, but there you go. You really should go buy his album. This is one of the few albums so far this year I'm more than happy to spend money on!

And because I'm in a good mood, here's the music video for his new single, Love Today. Another gem.

dreams are made of these

2007-03-26T03:06:00.000+08:00

Not sure if I've posted this before, but I just came across it again so I thought I'd post it anyway... I really like the sentiment of this particular strip.

bleary-eyed reflections

2007-03-17T13:52:00.000+08:00

Woke up earlier today for a while and the first thought I had was about the inevitable. What a wonderful way to start the day, eh? Abso-fucking-lutely perfect.

You said things like this excite, confuse, distract and torture... Well you know what? Even if it was only for a while, I did want to be excited, confused, distracted and yes, even tortured - as long as you were the one doing all that to me. It hardly matters now though; we all have to wake up sometime. Gotta smell the coffee - it's time to move on now.

Cheerio then, it was fun while it lasted. Though it never actually began.

I'm reminded of this line from Friends... Quite aptly, said by Ross.

"You're over me? When were you... under me?"

confusions, disappointments and the like

2007-03-17T03:33:00.000+08:00

The female of the species never fails to befuddle me. Maybe it's just my luck. Maybe it's just the way my life is meant to be. Maybe it's high time I stop being so surprised by it whenever shit happens.

Who knows? Perhaps I will wake tomorrow and realise that it's all for the best.

One thing that isn't a maybe though... I definitely need to go get some shut-eye now.

Suddenly the thought of moving to my new place doesn't seem all that exciting. Ah, fuck it. Make lemonade from lemons and all that bullshit, eh?

a comedy of errors: part two

2007-03-08T17:01:00.000+08:00

I kinda realised that I pretty much described the whole of my first day in Churchill (that's the suburb I'm in) in my second-last post. So here are a few more pictures taken on that first day...

Looks familiar doesn't it? Taken while walking around in Melbourne city when I was waiting for the damn cab.

My first breakfast in Melbourne... I'd finished the hash brown before I remembered to take a pic.

Saw this while on the cab on the way to Churchill! Hope I get to watch the Australian Open there one day...

Cool car I saw parked outside the supermarket

...and yes, there are a lot of cows here.

bendigo buzz

2007-03-05T23:18:00.000+08:00

Just got back from a road trip to Bendigo with some new friends... Had a great time there and got to bond with them properly, but somehow I'm feeling a little hollow now. Maybe it's the melancholy everyone feels whenever a holiday, no matter how short, ends... Maybe it's something else entirely. Maybe I've been thinking too much about nothing at all.

Maybe it's just the familiar problem of a heart throbbing once again, just to remind you it's still there.

It's still around.

a comedy of errors

2007-02-25T16:16:00.000+08:00

As promised previously, I'm gonna tell all about my wonderful (sarcasm please) trip to Melbourne...

Teared a little at the airport just before I walked into the departure lounge, as expected. Steeled myself and went through after hugging everyone who came to send me off - I couldn't bring myself to turn back for one more look for fear of the mess I might be reduced to.

The flight itself was unremarkable except for the Arab guy seated next to me who thought his balls were the size of durians or something... His legs were opened so damn wide it was unbelievable. Thankfully he wasn't like that the entire flight, so it was still relatively comfortable. The service on Emirates is pretty crap though; I pressed the call bell but waited so damn long that I'd finished reading the complimentary newspapers and they STILL hadn't come to inquire as to what I needed. I actually had to go get the headphones for the in-flight entertainment system myself. The clincher? I realised that the call light had been deactivated only when I came back from getting the headphones myself. Bet that wouldn't have happened on SQ.

I was fortunate enough to get a window seat, so I got to enjoy what was quite a beautiful view at times... You'll see what I mean when you come to the bottom of this post where I've uploaded a few pictures.

So I touched down in Melbourne at 1.30am local time; by the time I got collected my luggage and got through customs it was already something like 2.15am. I proceeded to call the motel where I was supposed to spend the night before heading to the Gippsland campus the next day. Guess what? The damn Aussies screwed up. Apparently Monash had booked a room for me, but the bloody motel got the dates mixed up and thought I'd only be arriving the next night! So there I was, stranded at the airport at 2.30 in the morning with no room to my name. I almost died! A few frantic calls to Monash and about half an hour or more later, they managed to get a room for me at this small motel in the city. The only trouble was that I had to pay for the taxi fare and cost of the night's accommodation first... Thank goodness I'd brought enough cash with me. By the time I called home to let my family know of my safe arrival, washed up and everything, it was already 4am.

And I had to be ready to be picked up by the driver at 8. You can't describe the feeling man, you just can't.

So the next morning I dragged myself out of bed on time thanks to the multiple (something like 7 I think?) alarms I'd set on my phone as well as a long-distance morning call from dear old Mom... It was only after I'd shaken the sleep from my eyes that I realised it would've been 4plus in the morning in Singapore when she called me. She'd either stayed up all night or woke up at that ungodly hour just to make sure I woke up... I love you, Mom.

I was all set for the two hour drive to Gippsland from the city, so I got down to the reception and checked out five minutes before 8am. At 8, however, the lady at the reception got a call informing her that the driver would only be there at 10am. Fine, I thought; at least that would give me some time to have some breakfast before the long journey ahead. I went out and got a cheap breakfast at Hungry Jack's (that's what Burger King is called here, don't ask me why) then walked around a little. Happened to come across a bank, so I did my banking there and then. By the time I was done it was close to 10, so I had to rush back to the motel. Unfortunately for me, the lady at the reception got another call shortly after I got back which pushed the pickup time another hour.

Can you see a pattern forming here?

At 11am or so, yet another call was received and this time they said they'd be another half an hour or so. It was just past noon by the time the driver finally arrived to pick me up, some four hours after the original time. Can you imagine how much better I would've felt had I been allowed to sleep those four hours?!?! Sheesh!!! I did sleep on the way to Gippsland though; a two hour journey.

When I arrived at Gippsland (around 2-ish), I was told that the orientation programme item for the day was a trip BACK TO THE CITY. What. The. Fuck. Fine, so it wasn't as bad as that sounded... It was actually a trip to Luna Park, an amusement park in Melbourne City. I was actually pretty interested to go, so I agreed to join them. I went to my room and unpacked first, and by the time I was done it was already 4pm or so. I decided to take a short nap to recharge my batteries for the night ahead... Guess what? Yup, you got it. I overslept and missed the damn bus to Luna Park.

I woke up at 6.25, 25 minutes after the bus was scheduled to leave. Ah well, can't say it was unexpected given the kind of luck I'd had since arriving in Melbourne. Went to the nearby supermarket in the end, and got some takeout fish & chips which I didn't even have the appetite to finish.

I'll talk more about the rest of that day in my next post... You're probably bored by now. For now, just enjoy these pics!

At the airport...

Alvin & I

Gerald & I

With my family...

On the plane

Before takeoff

Azure skies...

...and a beautiful sunset at 30,000 feet in the air.

Back on solid ground

Melbourne Airport, after 7 and a bit hours

The most goddamn expensive cab ride I've ever taken (From airport to city)

safe

2007-02-23T22:15:00.000+08:00

Alright, just a short note to let you guys know I've arrived in Melbourne safe and sound. Sorry it took so long; my internet access only just got activated today... It's been quite a long 2 days, and there've been plenty of screw-ups but so far (touch wood) things have been alright.

A more detailed post will come shortly. Maybe tomorrow or Sunday. Till then!

and i'm off...

2007-02-21T03:40:00.000+08:00

About 12 hours before I fly off to Melbourne for the next half a year... I know it's only for half a year and everything, but I still can't help feeling scared. I've been saying the past couple of months that I'm feeling a mixture of both excitement and fear, but right now I'm feeling a little more fear than excitement. Did I bring this? Have I forgotten that? What if this happens, what if that doesn't happen?

So. I'm pretty much all set for what I'm sure will turn out to be an all-too-brief sojourn to the land of cows and mountains. I really hope I can adapt to the life at Gippsland, which I know will be extremely boring compared to Singapore. Like... What, no 24/7 McDonald's outlets? I can't meet my friends at 2am for prata?! Shops close at 5.30?!?!?!?!?! The only good thing that might come out of this that I can think of is that I will probably be forced to study, given that I really won't have much else to do. Going to the city will take me about 2 hours, and getting back will take another 2.

On the other hand, I'm looking forward to the solitude of the place. Life in Singapore can be too noisy and busy by half; Gippsland should be a nice change from that. Once in the HardwareZone forums I read this guy's account of his life while he was studying in Australia; he described buying fish and chips from a small chip shop and enjoying it alone on a quiet beach, with the wind in his hair and troubles thrown aside. Now that is something I can picture myself doing and enjoying.

And so it is, the last post from Singapore for about 5 months. I intend to stay awake the whole night through because I have to be in church at 6.30am for the Ash Wednesday mass; there is, unfortunately, no other mass in the morning. Will probably watch the Lille - Man Utd match in a while before I go off to church... Well, wish me luck! I'll try to update as soon as possible from Melbourne.

P.S. Project365 is still going on, in case you're wondering. I've just been too lazy to do those weekly compilations, but if you follow the link at the left column, I still upload pics on BubbleShare.

update

2007-02-12T15:09:00.000+08:00

Terrible sorry for the lack of updates. I know I know, even my Project 365 weekly thingies have been neglected! I've been pretty busy, you see...

Two Fridays ago was my last day at the Citibank job, and the next day I flew to Bangkok with my parents... It was a great trip! Hadn't been to Bangkok for something like 10 years before that, so I made up for all that lost time by doing some solid shopping over there. Heck, I even did my hair over there...

Bangkok was really awesome. I'd quite forgotten how good the shopping is, and on top of that there are just SO MANY HOT CHICKS THERE! Seriously. In just the first 5 hours or so there, I saw more babes than I saw in Singapore the past month! I don't know if it's Traveller's Eye (where everything looks good cos of lowered expectations - the result of being on holiday) at work or if they really are as hot as I thought they were, but suffice to say my eyes were given a real workout the entire duration of my stay. Oh, and that Traveller's Eye thing is a concept I came up with myself. I make me proud sometimes.

Anyway, I've been catching up with friends ever since I got back from Bangkok, but I still haven't been able to see a couple of groups... Hope I'll be able to meet up with them before I leave. I've only got a week left in Singapore man! So yeah, StageARTS people, I'm talking to you. Please try to arrange something! This is a strictly time-limited offer, so act now!

making the most of it

2007-01-09T02:44:00.000+08:00

I've got less than a month and a half left in Singapore before I leave for Melbourne, and the thought of that both scares and excites me.

The thought of spending the next half a year or so abroad is both scary and exciting at the same time; I'm already beginning to wonder if I'll make any good friends over there, if I'll be able to find a Catholic church over there, and whether I'll be good enough a Catholic to actually attend mass every Sunday there to begin with. Will I fit in with the people at my campus and hostel? Will I find life at Gippsland (where cows outnumber humans) boring? Will I go mad from the solitude of the place?

Another thing that scares me is the fact that I've still got so much left undone, in so many senses of the word. The visa application is still not even half-done, and the ticket hasn't even been booked yet, though my probable date of departure is either 20th or 21st February... Either the third or fourth day of Chinese New Year. Haven't had a proper serious sit-down talk about us with her either. It may only be half a year, but so much could happen in that half a year... And what if I do somehow manage to get a job over there? What then?

Thing is, though... How do you talk about something like that? There's just so much hanging in the air; so much uncertainty that neither one of us really knows what to do next. The only thing we're sure of is that right now, at this moment in our lives, we want to be together. Other than that, who knows? It isn't helping that someone close to her discouraged her from seeing me cos of this whole going-abroad thing. Man, it really is completely shit timing to have met her now.

Anyway. Last day of work is gonna be 2nd February, after which I'll be devoting my time to preparing for my departure (packing, buying necessities, etc) as well as meeting up with whoever wants to meet me before I fly off. So gimme a ring if you wanna catch up over a meal, coffee or something yah? A strictly time-limited offer!

PS. I'm hoping my Melbourne sojourn will provide added impetus for my Project 365! Feel free to visit and leave comments.

happy new year!!!

2007-01-02T01:22:00.000+08:00

I'm going to quote my good friend Alvin's words now... If you had a sucky 2006, well great cos it's already over! It's a brand new year, people... Time to shed the unwanted, get rid of old baggage, start afresh and start the new year on a bright new note. I can't wait for the rest of the year, really... 2007 has the potential to be a watershed year for me.

Anyway, I mentioned in my last post that I had a project lined up... It's Project 365! I read about it a couple of months ago, and decided then that I'd do it for 2007. The premise is very simple: take a photo every single day of the year for one year. It'll act as a record of a year in my life, to help me remember what I did the entire year and hopefully help me to reflect on the year when it inevitably draws to a close in 364 days' time. I hope I'll be able to entertain you with interesting photos, so pray that my life this year is an interesting one eh?

Here's the link!

Project 365

If you don't bookmark it, don't worry. I've added it to the links on the side of my blog, so you can go take a look every once in a while...

Here's to a good year ahead for all. =)

tip of the tongue

2006-12-27T03:58:00.000+08:00

What's that called? You know, when you meet someone and hit it off like nobody's business?

When you talk for a few hours and don't want to go home cos you aren't sure if the chemistry is only gonna be right for just that one time?

When you can't wait to see that person again?

When you talk for an hour and a half on the phone, and didn't even realise it was that long?

......and when you remember you're leaving town in less than a couple of months?

Oh yeah, now I remember.

It's called bad timing.

of futures and careers

2006-12-23T04:45:00.000+08:00

Been a little busy the past month or so with my holiday job, in case you're wondering why the updates are even fewer and more far between than usual... So far it's been great, which is of course just about as different from my initial take on the job as could be! Aside from getting used to the paperwork, I've gotten to know my colleagues better so that definitely helped. Seriously, smoking breaks barriers. It's always easier to talk to fellow smokers and all... I guess it's mainly cos when you're smoking together you're pretty much forced to make conversation, so relationships are built over the many smoking breaks taken.

Anyway, I'm seriously reconsidering my future career path. I've always wanted to do something media-related (which is pretty much why I decided to pursue my current course of study) and I still fancy the idea, but talking to the bankers in my current workplace has really turned my head to the idea of becoming one in future. One of them, in fact, used to be in account servicing with a large ad firm, but switched industries cos the pay was too low. The figure he quoted me was really quite shockingly low... I'd expect that sort of pay for diploma holders, not degree holders! On the other hand, I just found out yesterday that bankers' starting pay for fresh grads is... Well, let's just say it's pretty damn decent. Offhand, I can only think of 3 other industries that pay as well or better for fresh grads — accountancy, law and medicine. Yes, it's that good. And that's only the basic pay; there's still commission and bonuses to be factored in!

So right now, it's pretty much a toss-up between pursuing my passion or following the scent of money. I'm extremely tempted by the potential pay packet I could be earning... Oh, I dunno. I still have the next half a year to come to a decision; I guess everything rests on whether I manage to miraculously secure a job in Melbourne after graduating. If I do then all this is moot!

Talking about Melbourne, I've decided to stick with the Gippsland campus. The course I'm taking isn't offered at Caulfield (the campus I wanted), so there wasn't a point applying to transfer to Clayton... The people I know are all at Caulfield! It'll be kinda sucky to be 2 hours away from the city, but looking on the brighter side, at least it'll be cheaper to live there.

Oh and one last thing... I've got a little project lined up for next year. I even bought a new phone specially for it, so I'm quite excited! Keep reading next year if you wanna know what it is... And for the few I've told, don't spoil the surprise by revealing it please.

Here's a hint: 365. Happy guessing!

recent buys

2006-12-12T23:30:00.000+08:00

Don't really have much to say so I'm just gonna show off the stuff I've gotten so far this month... Starting with my spanking-new laptop!

My new Acer Aspire 5583WXMi!

Opened up...

...and closed.

So of course I need to get some accessories for it, right? Went to Sim Lim Square today to do a little shopping, and got these items...

Imation 1GB thumbdrive

Necessary to facilitate data transfer between my laptop and desktop, amongst other things!

Samsung slim mouse

Mmm... Skinny.

I fell in love with it the moment I saw it! It's just dead sexy.

Speedball

Don't quite know how to explain how the Speedball works, but basically it's stuck at the bottom corner of the laptop to improve ventilation et al.

More stuff to come! I still need to get a laptop bag/cover and possibly a screen protector... I'm also looking for a keyboard protector, like the sort for MacBooks, but it's just about impossible to find! If anyone sees anything like these:

PLEASE let me know! Thanks in advance... =)

wear sunscreen

2006-12-09T15:41:00.000+08:00

I went for Charismatic last night, cos I knew I had to give thanks for my results and how the whole Melbourne plan is turning out. There are still details to be settled; for example I'm trying to see if I can transfer to a different campus which is much closer to the city, but overall I'd say things are chugging along nicely.

I think it was almost divine intervention or something that the speaker for last night mentioned a song I'd quite forgotten about... Baz Luhrmann's 1999 hit, Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen). I loved the lyrics then, but I guess at 17 I couldn't quite grasp the full meaning of them. Now, at 24, I think I feel (slightly) better qualified to say that there truly is a lot of truth in those lines.

As I sat there last night listening to the song again years after it'd slipped out of my consciousness, several lines had me smiling at how familiar they were to me, and how true they rang. The lyrics are below, and in bold are the ones which struck me in particular.

Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97
Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth — oh nevermind,
you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can't grasp now,
how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future, or worry,
but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives.
Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't,
Maybe you'll divorce at 40,
Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don't be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

(Sung)
Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse;
but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen

(Sung)
Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you
And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Everybody's free oh yeah
Everybody's free oh yeah

Yup, pretty apt for the stage of life I'm at right now. I'm pretty much at a crossroads; I'm currently a student, yes, but in six months' time I'll be back to working full-time again, just like last year. The main difference, of course, will be that I'll no longer have to contend with classes and exams, and will be armed with a degree. The main thing that has remained a constant, though, is that I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I have a rough idea of which field I want to enter upon graduation, but it isn't quite the same as knowing what I want to do with my life.

And that line about not being jealous, the race and all? That really hit me hard. It's true, isn't it? Not just the jealousy part, that might sound a little trite, but the bit about the race being ultimately only with yourself. Just who are we going up against in the rat race, seriously? It's just... tragic, really, how sometimes we can lose focus on the important things after being blinded by what we seek.

Maybe I should start listening to this song more often, if only to remind me of what I should be doing, but am not.

one student to clear them all

2006-11-30T01:12:00.000+08:00

I passed all my units this sem!!! Yah lah, I know some of you are probably thinking "So fucking what?" and all, but this is HUGE news for me cos:

1. I hardly paid attention this sem
2. I only began studying in earnest less than a week before the exams
3. If I'd failed one particular unit that I failed last year, I might've been "removed" from my course of study
4. If I'd failed any unit at all, it would've severely screwed up my plans to go to Melbourne

Anybody who's known me long enough will know that points 1 and 2 are typically me. It's been this way ever since goodness knows when; I think the last time I really tried preparing seriously for an exam was back in 1998 when I was studying for my GCE 'O' Levels. I've said it a thousand times before, I know, but this time I really hope I'll make it stick: I will study properly and pay attention in class next semester. I intend to fully make use of my time there, limited as it will be... I'm kinda hoping the seclusion of the Gippsland campus will force me to study!

Chatted with a friend over MSN last night, and she commented that things seem to be going well for me. Indeed they are, and that was even before I'd gotten my results so I guess things are going pretty damn well right now! Hope this streak of good fortune carries through to next year and beyond... *Touch wood*

here i come, cows...

2006-11-29T02:01:00.000+08:00

I spoke to my mom again earlier today about Melbourne and the taking of a loan for my semester in Gippsland next year, and it seems very likely that I'll be going over. NOW the madness begins... There's just so much to do from now till February! I'm gonna have to apply for the student visa, for my accommodation over in Melbourne, accept my offer letter and start buying all the necessities... Any recommendations for cheap and good laptops?

Anyway work's been fine... I'm actually getting quite used to the job, as mundane as it is. It's a pretty decent gig; I mean, the pay is decent (not great, unfortunately) and the hours are pretty short. That can be both good and bad; good cos I don't have to wake up so early to get to work and sometimes even get to leave early, but it can also be not so good because I'm paid by the hour and the lesser hours I work, the less I get paid. Bummer. One thing that's certainly helped make the job easier to bear is the cute chick at the branch I get to see a few times every day, of course... Heh.

This time last week I was so sure I'd be quitting this job that I actually walked into a shop I fancied and asked if they had an opening for a sales position, but now I'm pretty settled. They're even gonna apply for an email account for me and all to facilitate my work, so I really don't think I'll be able to leave just like that... I'd feel too guilty! It's like there's a commitment made already, that sort of thing. Maybe I'm just weird.

Oh by the way, if you happen to be looking for an inkjet printer, please drop by Singapore Expo this weekend. SITEX is happening from Thursday to Sunday, and I'll be there selling HP inkjet printers. Please buy from me! I get commission from that!!! Heh... Remember, HP inkjets. Don't get any other brand yah. On a side note, I'm gonna be so exhausted next week man. I'd have worked for 12 days straight! From Monday this week till Friday next week... Yikes. Oh well, it's all for the sake of the cash! So many things I wanna buy.

So people, do try to arrange to meet up with me from now till February. I know I'm only gonna be away for half a year lah, but who knows right? I might be lucky enough to get a job there after graduating, then you won't be seeing me for at least a couple of years... Unlikely, yes, but possible. If you're hoping not to see me then just run along now, but if you do wanna catch up before I leave in February, then drop me a line sometime and we could do dinner or something. My number's still the same!

当你孤单你会想起谁

2006-11-22T01:31:00.000+08:00

你的心情总在飞什么事都要去追想抓住一点安慰
ni de xin qing zong zai fei, shen me shi dou xiang qu zhui, xiang zhua zhu yi dian an wei
You are always moody and you try to pursue all matters, wanting to hold on to some comfort

你总是喜欢在人群中徘徊你最害怕孤单的滋味
ni zong shi xi huan zai ren qun zhong pai hui, ni zui hai pa gu dan de zi wei
You like to walk in the middle of crowds because you're scared of being lonely

你的心那么脆一碰就会碎经不起一点风吹
ni de xin na me cui, yi peng jiu hui sui, jing bu qi yi dian feng chui
Your heart is so fragile it will break with only a touch - it cannot fight against the wind

你的身边总是要许多人陪你最害怕每天的天黑
ni de shen bian zong shi yao xu duo ren pei, ni zui hai pa mei tian de tian hei
You always need people to stay by your side, because you're afraid of the daily darkness

但是天总会黑人总要离别
dan shi tian zong hui hei, ren zong yao li bie
But there are times when the sky will turn dark, and people will have to leave

谁也不能永远陪谁
shui ye bu neng yong yuan pei shui
There isn't anyone who can accompany another person forever

而孤单的谁都要面对
er gu dan de zi wei, shui dou yao mian dui
And the feeling of being lonely is something everyone must face

不只是你我会感觉到疲惫
bu zhi shi ni wo hui gan jue dao pi bei
It not only exhausts you but it tires me as well

当你孤单你会想起谁
dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui
When you are lonely, who will you think of?

你想不想找个人来陪
ni xiang bu xiang zhao ge ren lai pei
Do you want someone to accompany you?

你的快乐伤悲只有我能体会
ni de kuai le shang bei, zhi you wo neng ti hui
Your happiness and sorrow can only be felt by me

让我再陪你走一回
rang wo zai pei ni zou yi hui
So let me be with you for a while

你的心情总在飞什么事都要去追想抓住一点安慰
ni de xin qing zong zai fei, shen me shi dou xiang qu zhui, xiang zhua zhu yi dian an wei
You are always moody and you try to pursue all matters, wanting to hold on to some comfort

你总是喜欢在人群中徘徊你最害怕孤单的滋味
ni zong shi xi huan zai ren qun zhong pai hui, ni zui hai pa gu dan de zi wei
You like to walk in the middle of crowds because you're scared of being lonely

你的心那么脆一碰就会碎经不起一点风吹
ni de xin na me cui, yi peng jiu hui sui, jing bu qi yi dian feng chui
Your heart is so fragile it will break with only a touch - it cannot fight against the wind

你的身边总是要许多人陪你最害怕每天的天黑
ni de shen bian zong shi yao xu duo ren pei, ni zui hai pa mei tian de tian hei
You always need people to stay by your side, because you're afraid of the daily darkness

但是天总会黑人总要离别
dan shi tian zong hui hei, ren zong yao li bie
But there are times when the sky will turn dark, and people will have to leave

谁也不能永远陪谁
shui ye bu neng yong yuan pei shui
There isn't anyone who can accompany another person forever

而孤单的谁都要面对
er gu dan de zi wei, shui dou yao mian dui
And the feeling of being lonely is something everyone must face

不只是你我会感觉到疲惫
bu zhi shi ni wo hui gan jue dao pi bei
It not only exhausts you but it tires me as well

当你孤单你会想起谁
dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui
When you are lonely, who will you think of?

你想不想找个人来陪
ni xiang bu xiang zhao ge ren lai pei
Do you want someone to accompany you?

你的快乐伤悲只有我能体会
ni de kuai le shang bei, zhi you wo neng ti hui
Your happiness and sorrow can only be felt by me

让我再陪你走一回
rang wo zai pei ni zou yi hui
So let me be with you for a while

当你孤单你会想起谁
dang ni gu dan ni hui xiang qi shui
When you are lonely, who will you think of?

你想不想找个人来陪
ni xiang bu xiang zhao ge ren lai pei
Do you want someone to accompany you?

你的快乐伤悲只有我能体会
ni de kuai le shang bei, zhi you wo neng ti hui
Your happiness and sorrow can only be felt by me

让我再陪你走一回
rang wo zai pei ni zou yi hui
So let me be with you for a while

你的快乐伤悲只有我能体会
ni de kuai le shang bei, zhi you wo neng ti hui
Your happiness and sorrow can only be felt by me

让我再陪你走一回
rang wo zai pei ni zou yi hui
So let me be with you for a while

......maybe not.

On a separate, yet paradoxically related note... Happy birthday. Tried not to think of how it could've been me celebrating with you, but couldn't. That last message was a killer, though I guess it honestly was nothing more than routine to you... Well, hope it was good for you anyway. Have a good year ahead... Do take care, and please remember that my shoulder will always be available should you ever need one.

don't feed the plants!

2006-11-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

Just got back from Victoria Theatre where I caught Little Shop of Horrors starring Hossan Leong as Seymour, Denise Tan as Audrey, and Lim Yu Beng as her caddish dentist boyfriend amongst other notable local actors. And I got to watch it free!

Friend of mine managed to get some free tickets at the very last minute, so we rushed down to catch it... Skipped dinner to get there on time, but it was definitely worth it! I've never caught the movie, so the only previous time I'd come across it was when the Dim Sum Dollies made an appearance at Zouk on the night of the Halloween party to promote the show. The songs are wonderful! Funny, touching and sad - you name it, they've got it. All the actors gave solid performances, and the set was excellent! It even RAINED in one scene... I shit you not.

I totally loved the way they localised parts of the musical, especially the Dim Sum Dollies as Ronette, Crystal and Chiffon... They were hilarious! The scene with them as parking aunties (complete with minah accents) was priceless man. Oh and they aren't the main characters, though the publicity touts it as a Dim Sum Dollies thing... They're the Greek chorus, only appearing in certain scenes to more or less narrate the story and provide it with a certain flow. Excellent Greek chorus if there ever was one, though!

You really should go catch it if you haven't already, cos if I'm not wrong the run is ending soon... They've added 4 more shows, so good seats should still be available. Go watch it, you definitely won't regret going! I thoroughly enjoyed myself, that's for sure.

On another note altogether, I am officially on holiday now. Exams ended about two weeks ago, and I've been busying myself with... Erm... With... Well, absolutely nothing, actually. Haven't done much thanks to budgetary constraints, but that's gonna change cos I just started a temp job today! A friend of mine helped me get some admin job in a bank, so for the first time in almost a year I'm gonna be wearing a shirt and pants from Monday to Friday.

The job (well, more like the money actually) is obviously a welcome change, but I'm really not too sure about it... As I mentioned, today was my first day and I felt a little overwhelmed. There's just so much bloody documentation to do! And it isn't just simple filing and data entry either; there are arcane procedures to follow and all. This just (doubly) confirms that I'm really not cut out to be a pen-pushing office drone, I guess... I nearly fell asleep just reading through all the workflow notes! Yeah, I definitely need a job with more human interaction than that. On a more positive note though, there's a babe working in the branch of the bank! Sadly though, I won't be getting to see her very much since I work in the backroom office which is in the next building. Damn.

Oh and another thing, I finally told my parents about my plan to go to Melbourne. They're quite supportive, thankfully, but unfortunately I'll need to take a loan to finance my time there. I'm only going to be there for a semester (this past one being my second-last) but hey, at least it's something. Of course at this point nothing is confirmed, but fingers crossed, I'll be in Melbourne in 3 months' time. There's still everything to be done: the loan application, the student visa application, the purchasing of all the necessary items and of course the acceptance of the offer.

The campus I'll be heading to is probably Gippsland, which is way out in the sticks. It's some 2 hours from the city, so I'll be seeing more penguins and sheep than humans man! It's a little late in the game, but I'm applying to transfer to another campus which is in the city... Hopefully that works out, but even if I do end up in Gippsland I'll be happy. At least I'll be getting out of Singapore! And maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here, but maybe, hopefully, I'll even be able to land a job there after graduating.

I want to challenge myself, broaden my horizons and gain some invaluable experience - experience I will never get if I stay in Singapore for the rest of my life. I know that I will definitely return to Singapore, of course; it's just a matter of whether it's immediately after I graduate or after a year or two (or perhaps even more?) of working in Melbourne. Singapore is too stifling... Maybe this change will do me some good.

Fingers crossed. Let's hope all goes smoothly and I even go over to begin with.

fireworks

2006-10-31T18:21:00.000+08:00

Was chatting with my cousin in Canada yesterday after another night sans sleep. Ended up updating her quite a bit about my life recently cos I haven't seen her online in ages, and she realised that although we grew up continents apart, the patterns our relationships take are actually rather similar... It must be a Leong thing.

See, my recent ("recent" meaning the past year or so) forays into the dating scene have mostly ended in disaster. Well not so much disaster as just simple disappointment, but well... The end results have been pretty much the same. Thing is, they always start off so promising, so full of hope, but all too soon the magic is gone and reality bites. It's just like fireworks; bright, intense, amazing and spectacular for a while, but only for that little while. Before you know it, it's just fading into the night... Blink again, and it's like it never happened.

I read this article from the New York Times a few weeks ago, and it's scary cause it's so true. In the old days, holding hands was seen as the first step of intimacy that couples took, before eventually progressing to kissing and sex. Nowadays, however, it's more like kissing and sex first, then maybe I'll hold your hand if I still fancy you in the morning. What's up with that?

Instead of becoming the first sign of intimacy between a couple, it has become the last stand of intimacy. I've been on both ends of this, so I guess I know how it feels both ways... To be denied that little act, and also why I wouldn't wanna do it. I can't deny that it's completely weird though... I mean, what's wrong with the world nowadays man? You know something has gone wonky somewhere when an act as simple as holding hands, as pure and innocent as that, has changed places with the act of sexual intercourse to become the the most intimate thing a couple could do.

Maybe I'm not exactly in a position to talk about this either; after all, I'm just as screwed up as the next person, quite possibly even more so.

Can I please stop having fireworks in my life? I really would love to have a slow-burning relationship again. Too much fireworks lately... Too much.

i'm a bloody emo kid

2006-10-21T08:54:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine MSN-ed me on Thursday night after reading my previous entry just to check on how I was, cos "your entries lately have been pretty emo, man". Yeah it's true, I have to shamefully admit it - I'm nothing but a bloody emo kid. Well, I've been one of late, at least... What, you thought being an emo-kid was the sole domain of teenagers? Well you thought wrong! Twentysomethings like myself (i.e. who're damn emo) are a dime a dozen. I wonder if it's a case of arrested development (not having progressed at all), or just that certain teenhood mentalities have sorta stuck well past their sell-by date. Whatever it is, I'm glad I at least have friends who're concerned enough about me to check on me when they notice little things like that on my blog.

Being emo, of course, usually involves emotions that're of the darker variety. In other words: sadness, not happiness. So there I was a couple of nights ago feeling down, and I decided I had to do something to cheer myself up. I managed to, eventually... I went on YouTube and searched for Sesame Street videos. There's just something therapeutic about them, you know? Especially Bert & Ernie ones... My favourite Sesame Street character is Ernie, but it's not just cos of that. The way the two of them banter and comfort each other just warms the cockles of my heart like nothing else can.

I guess it's a foetal position kinda thing... People have been known to assume the foetal position when they want a sense of protection and comfort, since the time spent in the mother's womb is pretty much the earliest possible memory of a safe, comforting environment. Similarly, for me at least, Sesame Street (and Ernie especially) provides me with the warmth and happiness I crave whenever I'm down simply because they constitute such a large part of my happy childhood memories.

Anyway. Two friends had birthday celebrations last night, so I was faced with a dilemma over which to attend... Much as I would've liked to, I couldn't possibly attend both since I don't have a car and am too broke to cab everywhere. In the end I copped out and attended neither one, a decision that was more or less enforced since I had an assignment to rush... It's still a long way from completion as I type this, in fact. Sigh. I wonder if it'll get any better if I go on-campus? I really, really want to get out of Singapore. With all my heart. Even if it's just for half a year, I'd grab the opportunity with both hands.

Oh and for those who don't know... I actually applied to transfer on-campus a while back. I've since been given a full offer, but I still haven't spoken to my parents about it yet... I just don't know how to bring it up with them. Thing is, my family isn't exactly wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. I've done the sums before; just half a year spent in Melbourne will cost something in the region of $14k or so... Certainly not a small sum. The timing isn't the best either... My family just shifted, as you probably know by now, and the renovation costs were a little higher than expected. So yeah, it's really bad timing if I were to ask my parents now if they have an extra $14k or so lying around that they could spare.

Time's running short though; if I am to go over, I'll have to kick things up a gear really soon. The semester begins in February next year, and the preparations will take a few months... That really doesn't leave me with much time to broach the subject with the parents.

I really, really want to go. I want this so much it hurts.

Ah well. Anyway, here are a couple of clips of Bert & Ernie for your enjoyment; they made me smile despite everything. =)

finally over?

2006-10-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

So I just realised something... For the first time in a long time, I'm not thinking of her when I just had my heart battered yet again. For the past couple of years, every doomed romance has usually led to me instinctively thinking of her somehow... Mostly about how she'd never let me down, how she'd never hurt me in any way. This time, though, it's different... I didn't think of her. Well of course I just did, because otherwise this entry wouldn't exist, but it's different.

Usually when I think of her in such a situation, my heart would ache and I'd miss her more than ever, more than anything. Not this time though... Yes, I thought of her, but I was surprised when I didn't feel that familiar tug at my heartstrings. It's a good thing, of course, since she's happily attached now and all... But also rather sad, since it means a chapter of my life (or at least a major subplot) is now over and done with, ended for good.

But... Is it true?

Could I finally, finally be over her?

days without dawn

2006-10-16T06:36:00.000+08:00

Yet another sleepless night. I wonder what it is about my current situation that's bothering me so much? It's not like it's the first time I've encountered something like this; if anything I've encountered it far too often. It isn't as if I was taken completely by surprise either - I guess the writing's been on the wall ever since it "began". In a way I guess it's good that it didn't drag on for too long, like how I was once led on by a girl for something like half a year. In fact, in a sense I wasn't even led on this time since things were made clear. It still doesn't make me feel any better though.

Decided to take a walk at around 4 in the morning, hoping to get some fresh air and clear my mind, but fat lot of good that did... The bloody haze choking Singapore now ensured I didn't get much in the way of fresh air, and quite aptly I didn't manage to clear my mind either. It's still all a muddle, though I know what I have to do and know that I will do it. Simply put, just forget it. Exceedingly simple to say what I have to do, but unfortunately the process of actually doing it isn't quite so easy. Not that I'm not gonna do it, of course.

The Byrds were right, I guess there is a time for everything.

The Byrds - Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is A Season)

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late

And now, of course, is the time to let go.

vivocity

2006-10-14T00:10:00.000+08:00

Met up with Alvin last night to check VivoCity out, and it's bloody awesome I tell you. The sheer size of the shopping mall is amazing! Over a million square feet of retail space... Just imagine. Seriously, it was jaw-droppingly awesome. Quite a few of the stores aren't open yet, but I was very impressed with what I saw. There's just about everything you could look for in a shopping mall in there! Just talking about coffee chains alone, there are four. Yes, FOUR. Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Gloria Jean and Pacific Coffee Company. Bloody hell! Oh and the size of the hypermarket was... Simply put, woah. If you thought Carrefour at Suntec City was big, you ain't seen nothing yet.

It isn't all just about size either; there are a few shops I saw there that I have never seen before in Singapore like this clothing store Pull and Bear. Decent prices and good designs, kinda Topshop-ish but slightly cheaper for certain items. And I haven't even begun to talk about the roof terrace! Oh man... That was the highlight of the whole place for me.

It takes up most of the floor area of the third storey, and has water features and sculptures sprinkled around. Oh and did I mention there was a sorta amphitheatre as well? It'd be awesome to have a gig there, man. The view from the roof terrace is breathtaking too... Aside from the PSA port on the left, you have a harbourfront view of the waters and Sentosa, along with the twinkling lights of the cable cars going to and fro. It was pretty magical, really... Too bad I was with a guy. Damn.

Anyway while walking around VivoCity, we started talking about how it was like when it was still the old World Trade Centre. The one thing I miss about the old WTC is the former Harbour Pavillion, which was a very comfy concert venue and also the place where I attended one of the best concerts ever, the Suede gig back in 1999. It was the only real mid-sized venue in Singapore, and it's quite a pity that it had to go. That got us on the topic of how we used to attend the annual book fairs there religiously, and always made a beeline for the Mr Kiasu comics and True Singapore Ghost Stories books!

Had a great time reminiscing, and somehow we got to talking about the old Toys R Us store at Marine Parade... That place was heaven, I tell you! Two storeys chock full of every toy any kid could possibly want, and it wasn't like each storey had a small floor area... A single floor of that store is bigger than most of the Toys R Us stores in Singapore nowadays. Unfortunately that particular outlet closed down some time ago, so there goes yet another place I can go to relive my childhood memories...

It's sad isn't it? When the places you used to love are no longer there, or have otherwise changed so completely that they feel soulless and devoid of any of the warmth they used to envelop you in... I hate that feeling. Yeah, I guess I'm just a sentimental old fool. Not exactly old yet, of course, but with each Toys R Us outlet and Harbour Pavillion slowly fading into the recesses of my memory, I can feel the cold tentacles of the years slowly, inexorably, catching up.

screwy life

2006-10-12T04:49:00.000+08:00

It hasn't been a good few weeks. Feeling down for various reasons, most of them linked to affairs of the heart... I fear that fortune teller might've been right when he predicted a loveless year for me. I mean, sure, I've had a couple of possibilities but none of them led anywhere. I'm getting just a little sick of all this crap; all this merry-go-round shit that's been happening with me. Why can't things just go smoothly, eh? Everything just has to be completely tangled up in lines... I never know whether it's coming or going, whether it's hot or cold. I don't know if it's me or it's her, if anything's even going to happen. I just don't fucking know.

I'm fed up with all this shit, I really am. Roll on 2007, can't wait for you to come. Maybe things will be better next year... Please be an improvement over the past few years. Please. It hasn't just been annus horribilis, but anni horribilesas! I know I'm just whining here, but just bear with me. After all, if I can't even whine on my own blog, I really don't know where I can do it anymore.

Anyway, completely aside from how pitifully nonexistent my love life is... I've moved. New place is pretty alright, I'm comfortable and I like how my room turned out. I also realised I have A LOT of clothes. My shelves are full and I've still got an entire duffel bag (the huge army "Ali Baba bag" kind) stuffed to the brim with clothes I have no space in my wardrobe for! Maybe I should rent a stall at some flea market and sell off some of the stuff I no longer wear. My internet connection isn't working for some strange reason though, so that sucks. Singnet technician is coming over tomorrow to check it out. Oh, and I'm blogging from Marvin's place by the way. Came over after Mambo at Zouk... Just like the old times.

Exams around the corner, early next month. One final major essay to hand in at the end of the month as well. Oh, the joy. I'm positively delirious with the prospect. Sigh... Somebody just save me from this drudgery!

PS. While packing, I found some poems I wrote 5 years back. Pretty bleak stuff, think I was extremely down at that period of time... Will post when I can finally connect from home.

moving... yet again

2006-10-05T05:20:00.000+08:00

I'm packing like a madman now. Moving again this Saturday, this time to a permanent place... Which is just a 5-10 minute walk from where I am currently. Looking forward to it, yet also dreading it at the same time... Looking forward to the move cos it means I get a new room which looks pretty great, and since it's a permanent place I can get properly settled and shit. Dreading it at the same time cos of all the damn packing I have to do! It's no joke, this whole moving house malarkey... Thank goodness I haven't removed most of my stuff from the boxes I packed when I moved in December.

Mid-Autumn Festival this Friday. Anyone gonna play with lanterns anywhere? Let me know, I'll see if I can tear myself away from all the packing to join you!

Apologies for the hit-and-run posts lately, I just haven't had the time or inclination to write a proper post. Let's hope I can come up with something funny once I get to my new place.

fuck that shit.

2006-09-22T20:45:00.000+08:00

Just read the comic. Yeah, all of it.

quickie update

2006-09-21T14:59:00.000+08:00

Am dying from deluge of assignments to hand in. Does anyone know where I can hire people to write my essays for me?

Going to emcee a friend's wedding this Sunday. Wracking my brains for sabo games to play on stage. Suggestions very much welcome in either comments, MSN, SMS or simply by calling me if you have my number. Incidentally, it's the 4th friend's wedding I've been invited to and the second I'm emceeing... This whole getting of marriageable age thing takes some getting used to.

There's an entire post somewhere in that above paragraph, but am too drained to cobble it out. It'll have to wait till next week at the earliest.

Wish me luck.

passionate supporter

2006-09-13T08:32:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday, Singapore hosted China in a qualifying game for the Asian Cup. The crowd was decent, no doubt boosted by the sizeable mainland Chinese population residing in Singapore. Think study mamas, construction workers, NTU scholars, KTV hostesses etc. The match itself too was decent enough, with one or two good chances for Singapore to have scored although the Singapore team has Lionel Lewis to thank for producing a few outstanding saves. The match ended in a goalless draw, by the way.

The main thrust of this post will not be the match itself, however - it will be about the fans.

During the half-time interval, there was a group of China fans sauntering around like they OWNED the stadium. They proudly waved their flag in a blatant attempt to provoke us Singaporean fans, and they obviously succeeded - everyone was jeering and booing them. What got to me though, was that nobody, and I mean, not a single person, actually did anything about it. The police should have stepped in and stopped them the moment they started walking around, but the actually made it through almost halfway round the stadium! This was a clearly provocative action meant to incite trouble, and yet the police were more concerned about... Well actually, I don't know what they were concerned about. I certainly didn't see them around.

I couldn't let something like that go unchallenged, of course. You do NOT come to my house and pull shit like that - I will not allow it. So I did what any true Singaporean should do: I grabbed my friend's Singapore flag, raced down a few flights of steps, and confronted the mob of China fans. I held open the red and white of my nation in his face. Well, more like shoved it in his face, but that isn't the point. The point is, I can't believe the whole crowd allowed that group of punks to sashay around half the stadium without anybody actually bothering to stand up to them!

Of course, there was a little scuffle when the guy tried to push me, I pushed right back and both sets of fans had to be separated... But know what? It was worth it. I didn't get a black eye or even have a blow of any sort landed on me, but even if that happened, I would still say it's worth it. I'd rather take a few insignificant blows to my body than allow my country to be insulted in that manner. The feeling of having the rest of the stadium behind you... It's just indescribable. Everybody was hurling abuse at them, especially after I practically jumped the bugger.

The guy who was leading the pack (and holding the China flag) is the one at the right edge of both pictures, with a China flag painted on his cheek. I am, unfortunately, out of the frame as we'd been separated to such an extent that I'm probably a little to the left of the extreme left edge of both pictures. Both pictures were taken by Marcus, by the way... The friend whose flag I borrowed.

I'm not posting this entry to seek any glory of any kind. I am simply posting this because I strongly believe that Singaporeans should have more pride in themselves. How could the rest of the people who saw that group simply swallow it and allow them to make their merry way round the stadium? How is it nobody thought to stand in their way, to tell them in no uncertain terms "This far, no further"? All they did was jeer. Riiight, that's certainly gonna stop them.

Another worrying aspect of this incident is the lack of security at football matches. I watch as many of the Lions' matches as I can, and there is one thing I have noticed: there is close to zero security presence at matches. At S-League level it doesn't matter so much since club rivalries are rarer, but when it comes to the national team, shouldn't there be a decent level of security? As if it wasn't bad enough that the China fans were allowed to leave the sections allocated to them (in itself already a security problem), they were even allowed to rub our faces in it in the way I described above. What gives?

I really hope that future matches of the national team will see improved security and more passionate fans - not just those who watch because they placed a bet on the outcome, or those who are willing to accept a group of fans from the opposing team walking around the stadium as if we were in their country and not vice-versa.

Come on, people... Where is the passion? Where is the pride?

the absence of you

2006-09-13T08:09:00.000+08:00

Years past and still nobody can fill
The gaping hole where you should be
It's not for lack of want or will
But love has simply chosen to evade me

Why does Cupid mock me so,
Driving me round the bend?
Thinking of what I'd so easily let go
While my heart doesn't even begin to mend

Each time I think I may have found happiness again
In the arms of some new girl
I eventually find that it has all been in vain
And I'm left cursing Fate for leaving me in a whirl

Maybe I'm asking for too much
To expect to find another you
But my heart and mind are used to such
And again my hopes evaporate with the dew

A number of times I thought I'd found it
But time and again I was left disappointed
Even now as I attempt to play poet
I drift to one to whose charms I surrendered

This latest distraction seems to be no different
Two steps back after a single foot forward
Perhaps we were both swept up in the current
It matters not; now things have turned awkward

So once again I pine for a love lost
One I know I will never regain
Perhaps another shall soon free my heart of this frost
Till then, this heart of mine I shall try not to strain.

brown penny

2006-09-12T06:52:00.000+08:00

I just remembered a poem I heard a few years ago in a movie - unfortunately I forget which movie it is. The scene was of a wedding reception, and the father of the groom recited it in honour of the newlywed couple... I remember listening raptly to the poem, and loving every bit of it. The words are so apt, so striking and ring so very true. Just thought I'd share it with whoever reads this little blog of mine... Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Brown Penny by William Butler Yeats
I whispered, "I am too young,"
And then, "I am old enough";
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.

"Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair."
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love.

Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

complications

2006-09-11T18:34:00.000+08:00

Why is it that as we get older, things get increasingly fraught with complications? Obviously our mental faculties get more sophisticated, so that would explain part of it - like why we know better than to strike a match in a room with a leaking gas stove, for example. But why, why, do things that should be simple have to get so damn complicated as well?

Take love, for example. It should be relatively simple... Boy likes girl, girl hopefully likes boy (or boy and boy, girl and girl if that's your preference), they somehow find a way to overcome the shyness and get together. That's how it always was in older movies, isn't it? In fact, that's how things should be, in my opinion. It seems, however, that this view is somewhat outdated... If my last relationship was anything to go by, there are factors like 3rd or even 4th parties getting involved.

I don't really understand things anymore. Ironic, isn't it? We're supposed to understand more things as we get older. We learn things in school to help us understand the world better and everything, but some of the things we don't learn in school turn out to be the things we need most to know... How do you deal with betrayal? How do you deal with intimacy before actually getting together? How do you deal with infidelity? How do you deal with yourself, sometimes? I never took any of those lessons in school. I don't know how to deal with all that.

Issues like infidelity, betrayal and all that... You have to go through it to understand how it feels. I met up with some poly friends last Friday, and we had a great time catching up, gossipping and laughing the entire time. Then one of the guys related how he'd been betrayed by his ex and someone he regarded as his best friend - gee, that sure sounds familiar. Those who know me well enough will know what I'm referring to. In cases like that, forgiving should, rationally speaking, be out of the question. Bitter experience has taught me that the incident will always be there at the back of your mind - it just leaves an indelible mark there, no matter how hard you try to erase it. Out, damn spot and all that, but it never really is the same again.

In other situations though, I guess patience is the key. Maybe you've allowed your emotions to get the better of yourself a little, but perhaps slowing it down a tad could help things. Sometimes, of course, we just do what seems to be the only logical thing to - we withdraw. We pull back, pull away from whatever it was that was there... And why not? It makes sense, after all, to retreat if it seems as if things have moved too quickly for your liking.

But maybe - just maybe - patience would be a good idea. Maybe it's even better like that - after all, the best soups are the kind that are left to simmer for some time and not those that're boiled and served quickly, no?

Guns N' Roses - Patience

Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it

(Bridge)

...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more patience, yeah
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Ooh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me....

belated birthday post

2006-09-07T01:35:00.000+08:00

Yes, I just turned 24. I had a little (ok fine, maybe not exactly little) celebration at Samar, this quaint little Middle Eastern cafe near Arab Street. Had a grand old time there, and I'm really glad so many of my friends could make it! Close to 40, in fact... Almost as many as on my 21st birthday. It was the first time many of my friends had experienced something with a Middle Eastern taste to it, so I guess you could say everybody enjoyed themselves... There was even a live music and dance performance!

Headed to 1NiteStand pub over at Clarke Quay after dinner with some of the people from church, and I truly enjoyed it... I was obviously forced to drink a little, and the rest of them drank quite a bit too. It was the first time I'd ever partied with them, in fact! The live band there was pretty good, and the DJ couldn't go far wrong with R&B in between sets. Overall, a very enjoyable night out indeed.

Alright, enough talking - here are a few pics taken at Samar!

A-Team people

E-Buzzers

CTK people

StageARTers!

Alvin and his girl, Fiona. Special thanks for coming even though you don't know anyone else there!

TMC people

And of course, I've gotta show off the presents I got! My friends from A-Team and CTK gave me the gift I need the most... Money! Haha... That's not to say I don't appreciate the other gifts, mind. I love everything I got!

NUM tee from Alvin & Fiona

Tangs vouchers from the TMC people!

Issey Miyake cologne from Serene & Noelle

The box that my gifts from the StageARTS people came in

The contents!

From left: The Game by Neil Strauss (about picking the ladies up), Gubra DVD (I missed this movie when it was in the theatres), Making Out In Thai (a Thai phrasebook... hmmm.)

Details magazine, Bulgari Black cologne, Meiji Black chocolate bar, breath freshener spray.

The box that my gifts from the E-Buzzers came in

The message on the inside of the cover

Veet? VEET?!?!

Veet Wax Strips & a single-use exfoliating mask. Gosh, you guys know me so well!!! -_-"

Political statement t-shirt

Rip Curl flip-flops

The Know-It-All by A.J. Jacobs

And the coup de grace... Johnson's Baby Lotion.

Just a few things about the gifts though.

1. Yes, I smoke but no, I do NOT have bad breath!
2. I sure hope the Neil Strauss book works.
3. I'm afraid the wax strips won't be enough for all the hair on my legs.
4. I finally have a pair of flip-flops!!!
5. Know-it-all? Hmmm I sure hope I live up to those expectations, guys...
6. Baby lotion. Whaaaa....?

Once again, thanks for all the gifts, guys. I really love them all. I've already worn the 66.6% t-shirt (it's a reference to the recent elections in Singapore, in case you don't get it) and I'll certainly be using all the other gifts very soon!

Around this time next year, I'll be having my 25th birthday celebration. I'll probably print a banner and hang it somewhere... It's gonna say "5 years till I grow old". This whole birthday thing is fabulous, but it's also very scary. I'm now officially old enough to be caught in a quarter-life crisis, so the cheering-up that the celebration and presents gave was a wonderful way of alleviating all that...

Thanks for everything, all of you! =)

fall away

2006-08-30T05:51:00.000+08:00

The last of her begins to fall away
A slate wiped clean, a start renewed
Slowly entwining
The strands of life no longer fray

The lens of life sharply focused,
Disconcertingly sudden.
Have I relieved myself of one load
Only to find another burden?

The ghost of her still haunts
No longer do I wish to take those meaningless jaunts

A new character, a new scene
Seemingly familiar, yet somehow different
Will this be yet another smokescreen
Or could it actually be change's agent?

Away she has indeed fallen
But there is no sense of emancipation
Instead, what is this strange sensation?

I can but surmise it to be...

Trepidation.

with the benefit of hindsight

2006-08-26T00:43:00.000+08:00

I caught The Break-Up last week, that delightful movie starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. You know I'm gonna recommend it simply cos I used the word "delightful" to describe it, now don't you? It's such a great movie. There are so many truisms about relationships in it - I lost count of the number of times I nodded, thinking "Hell yeah, I know exactly what that's like!".

Unfortunately, I have to admit that I'm somewhat like the Vince Vaughn character... You know, the selfish, insensitive, world-revolves-around-me kinda thing. The worst part is that he doesn't even realise it at all, not until it's too late. And then what?

Well... You lose, that's what.

You lose the one person you treasure the most without even realising that you'd been pushing her away the whole time. She feels that she's being pushed away, and tries to drop hints - but guys being guys, you don't even realise she's saying anything at all. You go on being the person you've always been, not realising that it's hurting the one you're supposed to care the most for. It just keeps going on and on, a vicious cycle that keeps repeating itself. Before you know it, it's over.

Then - and this is the sucky part - ONLY then... There's a sudden clarity as everything that eluded you for the entire duration of the relationship just hits you square in the face. You realise you were a complete jerk. You realise just how much she cared. You realise you were treating her like crap, but she tolerated it all. You realise you can't live without her... But it's too late by then. It's just too late.

Why must things be this way? I can't decide which is worse sometimes - having 6/6 hindsight and knowing exactly what went wrong; or just being oblivious even after the fact and not having to regret it all.

Watching the movie really brought back a lot of memories. Happy memories of good times, poignant ones of the meaningful and sad ones of the bad... Maybe it's just me being all sappy and sentimental, but I felt it really reflected real-life relationships and problems very accurately. More pointedly, it (well, certain parts anyway) reflected a relationship of mine. To be accurate, it reflected a former relationship of mine, which probably explains why it really hit home.

Go watch it. The subject matter is probably not the best for a first date, but otherwise I'd heavily recommend it. You just might glean a few insights!

au revoir...

2006-08-17T18:16:00.000+08:00

I'd been meaning to mention it for ages now, but the Tran siblings were in town recently. I mentioned them the last time they came back to Singapore some 2 years ago. Anyway I got to meet up with them a few more times than the last time they were in town, so I guess I got to bond a little more with the both of them... Which is a good thing, of course!

Kim is, as always, beautiful. I mean, what can I say, really? I melted into a tiny little puddle every time I saw her smile - that's the kind of effect she has. And it isn't just me either! I brought some friends along to meet them, and one of the guys said the exact same thing. Vin was still the same ol' Vin - crazy about martial arts and stuff.

This trip back really had a profound effect on them, I think. I sent them off at the airport last night (just like I did the last time) and Kim was talking about how she didn't want to go back to France... There were tearful farewells and not a few hugs, which was decidedly different from 2 years ago. They seemed... I dunno, a little more reluctant, almost sad to leave this time? Vin even said he intends to apply for the overseas exchange programme to spend a semester here in a couple of years!

I guess part of the reason was cos they felt really at home here. Their mom kept on thanking me for bringing them around, for being their guide and all on this trip... I managed to not let slip that being able to see Kim was all the motivation I needed! Aside from being able to meet them more than the one or two times in 2004, they also managed to click with the group of friends I called along as well, which was great...

Perhaps this little trip of theirs has affected me as well. I genuinely feel that I've forged some bonds with them, although we only met up a handful of times. I didn't feel it at the airport, but the wave of melancholy did hit after I got home from sending them off. Yeah, as much as they didn't want to leave yet, neither did I want to see them leave.

I wanna go to Paris for a holiday man. Maybe after I graduate next year, if I can scrounge up enough loose change from the back of the sofa...

Anyway, places I brought them to:
1. National Museum for the screening of Unsu Lee's Happily Even After
2. Zouk for Mambo Jambo (and Phuture for the R&B, of course)
3. Timbré

Not that impressive a list, if you look at it. But we had a great deal of fun the times we met up, the few of us, and ultimately that's what matters.

I stumbled upon an article last night, in which the author mentioned the Portuguese word saudade. It has no equivalent in the English language, and it describes perfectly how I feel now: an enjoyable sadness.

Ah yes, saudade indeed.

happy 41st birthday, singapore

2006-08-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

Well not yet, it's only happening on the 9th. But here's a public service announcement anyway!

Save the Brown elephants!!!

Yes, indeed... The Brown elephant of Singapore is in danger of extinction. Let's all rally together and work to ensure the Brown and all like it are never silenced!

This is part of an online campaign organised by TalkingCock.

For more background information, please read this.

here's looking at you, kid.

2006-08-05T00:33:00.000+08:00

I finally watched a film I've always wanted to watch today - Casablanca. Rather unfortunately though, the circumstances weren't exactly how I'd imagined it would be like when I eventually did watch it. In my mind's eye, I'd always envisioned myself watching it in the company of a lover, cuddling each other on a couch or the bed while enjoying the romanticism of it all. Alas, it was not to be... I watched it in class today for my Screen Theories lesson, with about 20 or so classmates.

Now I'm not complaining about the company, mind - they're a fun bunch. Or at least the people I do know in class are, anyway. It still doesn't quite mitigate for the fact that I watched Casablanca for the first time ever in a classroom setting and not the way I wanted to though!

Actually come to think of it, I think I kinda know why I never quite got round to watching it with any of my exes... They were never interested in watching classics like Casablanca, Gone With The Wind or Doctor Zhivago. Whenever I so much as glanced at the DVD in a store, they'd scrunge up their noses and shake their heads violently, then proceed to accuse me of being "damn uncle". I really don't see why wanting to watch classic films like these would qualify me as "uncle"!

Yes, I do admit that my tastes do sometimes veer toward the older stuff - in terms of music and movies anyway - but to me it's just a case of appreciating good stuff. Some of the music that's being made these days may sound good now, and I like it too, but I just don't think it'll last as long as, say, Sinatra or The Beatles. Will there still be radio stations playing 50 Cent and Linkin Park in 40 years? Well... Possibly, but they'd probably be stations with an extremely niche market.

So call me whatever you want - uncle, old-fashioned, incredibly unhappening, whatever. I'll just continue enjoying the stuff I always have, and maybe if you don't have a bias against classics, you could join me too.

P.S. Casablanca was every bit as good as I thought it would be - the only negative I could think of was that I didn't have anybody to hug during the touching parts. Damn.

a good place

2006-07-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

I hadn't been to visit my granny ever since she shifted to her new place about a month back, and I was starting to feel pretty guilty about it so I finally went down to see her after lunch today... Well alright, after lunch with my classmates and coffee afterward. I'm glad I did, cos at the very least I don't feel as bad now! I've always been the apple of her eye so I guess I owe her a visit every once in a while... Had a nice time chatting with her and all - I think I really should start to visit her more often. It's not exactly very difficult for me to do so; there's a direct bus from my place to hers. It's just that I'm far too lazy for my own good, even for things such as this. So yeah, I guess there really is no excuse for me not to start visiting more often.

Anyway I went for Charismatic after that, and it was a good session! There was one incident which particularly struck me - we were asked to pray for whatever it is in our lives we want help in etc, and I was thinking about it... I realised there wasn't any one particular thing I'm feeling really beat up about.

I mean, sure, things aren't perfect... Not by any means. Things could be better; things can always be better. I could do with more money, for example, or a stable partner, that sort of thing. But when it really comes down to it, there really isn't anything that's truly bugging me right now; nothing that keeps me awake at night or listless in the day. I'm not moping over any issue in particular. School's started again, so I've got something constructive to fill my days with. Even though most of the great friends I knew from when I started studying have graduated (or are doing units further ahead of mine), I've been blessed enough to have an old schoolmate in my new class. Besides, his clique has accepted me readily so making new friends hasn't been much of an issue either.

So when that guy asked us to pray to God for anything we need, I realised that for the first time in quite a while, I'm content. There's nothing I could think of to pray for aside from the continued good health of my loved ones and I. I realised that finally, after quite a long period of time, I can say that I truly am, as they say, in a good place. That's not to say that I'm completely without worries of any kind; unfortunately I can't quite say that just yet. But on the whole? Yes, I'm content. And you know what? That was the best feeling I could ever have.

I was glowing throughout the rest of the session. It's good, it's all good. Well, almost anyway, but that's decent enough. I'm happy and I'm content.

And yes, I'm in a good place.

silent lucidity

2006-07-24T18:08:00.000+08:00

You popped up in the corner of my screen
"*** has just signed in" read the silent scream

I hesitated, unsure of what to do
Should i say hi and risk being ignored
Or perhaps give it a go, even say i miss you too?

The first tentative step was taken
A simple hello, but it left me shaken
Would you ignore, would you not care?
Would you see my message but just leave me hanging there?

Thankfully you did reply, and you did seem fine
Pleasantries exchanged, stories updated
Inevitably i came to think of when you were still mine
What might've been had i not waited

But it's too late for all that now
You reminded me subtly with the mention of him
Imagining you wipe his sweat off his brow
It gets a little too much for me, the lights i try to dim

It used to be me you watched play football.

Didn't realise it then when i gave you up
But i never did forget the you for whom i fell
And it's tough, but i know i'll have to move on
Gotta find some way to dig my way out of this well.

*Edited for privacy.

directions please

2006-07-14T04:17:00.000+08:00

Aight I just realised my last couple of entries have been a tad melancholic. Not that it's extremely unusual for me, but to have mentioned some of the things publicly is perhaps a little unusual for me. Oh well... I couldn't help it, really. Sometimes you just gotta let it out somewhere, somehow... And you hope someone sees it. Whatever.

So my body clock's been screwed up again... Just when I was gradually readjusting it back to something resembling normalcy, the World Cup happened. At least Italy won though! Watched the final at Timbre with some friends, and there were some irritating fans of France there... Seriously, some of the girls were ridiculous. Cheering and screaming over everything! I bet they can't even name half the French squad, for fuck's sake. They'd be like "Oh, that's Thierry Henry, that's Zidane, erm.... I dunno already." And that, my friends, would be that. Call themselves fans, sheesh. I'd rather they just shut up and not pretend to understand!

School's gonna be starting again at the end of the month... I can't believe I'm saying this, but I can't bloody wait. I'm pretty pumped about restarting my studies, and finally getting my degree in a year's time. After that it's on to the working world... Or rather back to it, since I have been there.

There's so much in my life I want to accomplish, and so much of it undone. Heck, I haven't even started! It's pretty scary to think that I'll already be 25 by the time I graduate... If I settle down at around age 30 like I plan (or at least hope) to, that only leaves me around 5 years to save enough for a wedding, a place of our own and everything else that comes with it. I'm not sure if that's gonna be nearly enough, and that thought scares me. I don't wanna be one of those couples who get into debt the moment they get married!

It really is pretty daunting to think of what other guys my age are doing with their lives. They're actually making something of themselves - carving out careers and such, but what am I doing? Well... Nothing much, really. It sickens me, really it does. Especially when I think about what I have to offer in comparison to others... Well, at least one other. It's sad when you've got to concede that a person you care for is probably better off being with someone else, you know? But that's the ugly truth. All I can do is stand by the sidelines, at least for now...

Let's hope the next twelve months goes by quickly enough. I guess things will be clearer then.

things my girlfriend and i have argued about

2006-07-11T04:09:00.000+08:00

To you...

I saw this book at MPH just now. The one at Citylink. It brought a smile to my face, but unfortunately it was of the sad, wistful variety.

I can't believe it, but it's been over two years and I still find myself wishing I'd done things differently. I know you're happy now, though, and I'm glad you are cos you certainly deserve to be. Just remember that if he ever makes you cry, you have a shoulder to cry on here ok?

I miss arguing over french fries with you.

still alive

2006-07-04T18:05:00.000+08:00

The lack of updates for close to a month is due to both a lack of anything truly interesting happening in my life as well as some things which have happened, but don't quite translate well into writing. I really don't quite know what to say. I've been quite drained the past couple of weeks or so, and it doesn' help that I've actually fallen ill in the past few days. Bloody panadol doesn't work.

Anyhow, we're now at the semi-final stages of the World Cup. The first semi between Germany and Italy will be played tonight - just in case you're wondering, I'm supporting Italy. You know, I can't help but be reminded of the last World Cup... More specifically, the person I caught most of the games with. I miss having to explain the offside rule, of hearing various players' names being mangled, and just the overall feeling of contentment.

I hate the feeling that the world is moving on without me.

kiss me i'm famous! part II

2006-06-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

I guess some of you already know this cos I've been shamelessly going on about it on MSN, but I've just had the second instalment of my 15 minutes of fame. Since the World Cup will be upon us in just a matter of hours, however, I feel it would be somewhat appropriate to whore myself all over again though! I am, of course, talking about the fact that my handsome face is plastered all over thousands of Coke cans!

A few months ago, Coke had this little contest thingy where they asked people to log on to some website and post up photos to do with football, obviously for their World Cup tie-in. I submitted a photo I took with Alvin (and a whole bunch of strangers) at the National Stadium after the Tiger Cup win over Indonesia last year, and was one of the 3 chosen!

So ditch all your other drinks. Forget Pepsi (ugh) or whatever, just get Coke Lime. Yes, only Coke Lime if you wanna gaze upon my lovely face. They chose some cute chick in JC (I think) uniform for the regular Coke cans... Sexist bastards. (Just kidding, Coca-Cola people!)

Anyway, here's a pic from the Coke website of the can...

My face is not here. You can ignore this pic.

And the original photo.

MEMEMEMEMEME!

The press release was sent out like two months ago, but I only saw it a week or two ago. Not bad man, my quote was used! Heh...

Anyway, people... I implore you to help me out. If you see any uncles or aunties going around collecting Coke Lime cans, STOP THEM!!!!! They're gonna crush my face lah!!! Wah lau, how can right. Just ask them nicely to not crush the cans of Coke Lime with my face on it k? I promise a free autograph if you can help me out. SAVE DOM FROM BEING CRUSHED!!! Thank you very the much.

Oh and in case you're wondering when the first instalment of my 15 minutes of fame came, check this post out. =)

some things you just don't wanna see...

2006-06-07T04:36:00.000+08:00

I just saw something I'd much rather I never saw. Or perhaps it's good that I did? After all, it's pretty much a wake-up call. No sense in feeling this way I suppose... In fact, there's precious little sense in this entire affair, if at all there is any.

It doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of believability that I can feel this way over something I really shouldn't, but I do. It's stupid, but I can't help it... There just seems to be some kind of impenetrable wall between my head and my heart.

Ah fuck it. Guess I should take the advice of Mr L and forget about it all. Hell, I should heed MY OWN bloody advice! Ah fuck.

Sorry if this post is rather incoherent. It's hard to organise your thoughts when it's all in a mess... Complete and utter bloody disarray.

so much to learn about friendship

2006-06-07T02:37:00.000+08:00

And it's all from Bert & Ernie. In case you guys don't know, Ernie is my favourite Sesame Street character. He's so silly, funny and occasionally irritating (to Bert at least) but boy, what a great friend he is. I really hope I'm as good a friend as he is to Bert, and I sure hope the Berts in my life treasure our friendship as much as Bert obviously does too. Here's a video tribute!

By the way, death to the next person who dares suggest they're gay. THEY SLEEP IN SEPARATE BEDS FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!!!

this weekend... and the next

2006-05-30T18:22:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna be working at the PC Show this coming weekend, Thursday til Sunday. If any of you possibly wants to get a laser printer, do come over to the HP booth to look for me! It should be fun, the other people seem to be pretty easygoing guys and all so yeah, I'm looking forward to it. I've also got a friend's birthday celebration to attend on Friday night, so I'm pretty glad the exhibition ends at 8pm everyday. Don't quite know where we'll be heading though...

Oh, a movie tomorrow with Phy! I'm finally gonna watch Paradise Now. Mini-review after the movie, hopefully! I've been promised a free movie as long as I get the snacks... Hey why not, sounds like a good deal to me man. Note to self: Lay the cologne on thick, and smoke several sticks in an enclosed space before meeting.

One thing I'm really pretty excited about is next weekend. I went for Charismatic and was having dinner with the guys as usual when the topic of going over to Johor Baru for a short daytrip came up. That slowly morphed into a weekend trip up north, then we realised that if we were gonna go to Malaysia, we might as well just spend another 4 hours on the coach up to Kuala Lumpur for a decent holiday!

So yeah, I'll be heading up to KL next weekend. Can't wait! It's not so much that I love the shopping, or even the food, though both are excellent. It's just the simple fact that I'll be getting out of Singapore, even if it's just for the weekend... I can't even remember the last time I went on holiday man.

Looking forward to a great time with wonderful company up north. Onward, next week!

PS. Does anyone know where the A&W outlets in KL are? I really miss the taste of a coney dog and root beer float!

quarter-life crisis: a definition

2006-05-20T15:04:00.000+08:00

Came across this in a stranger's Friendster profile and I just wanna save this somewhere for posterity.

Quarter-life Crisis
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

- UPDATE -
Thanks to the anonymous poster in my tagboard, as well as Dot for pointing me in the right direction. The article is now in its complete form.

shoes

2006-05-20T10:39:00.000+08:00

I was walking home from the train station the other night when I noticed a foreign worker walking in the same direction as I was. He was walking rather briskly, and I noticed that he was walking barefooted. This struck me as being rather odd, given that he was actually holding a pair of slippers in his hands! So I thought about it a little, and came to the conclusion that he probably did so to conserve his slippers, to make them last longer than they otherwise would.

I thought about that for a while, then thought about how lucky I am. I mean, I'm not about to apologise for leading the lifestyle I currently have, but at the same time I'm also quite conscious of the fact that I'm very blessed. My life isn't exactly the sort that's beyond the wildest dreams of avarice, but I'm thankful that I don't have to walk barefooted just to make my footwear last longer.

There are so many things I bitch about all the time. Not having enough of this, that and the other - but seeing that guy just puts it all into perspective. Sure, he isn't a vagrant and neither am I some tycoon's son, but he isn't as privileged as I am and seeing things like that just reminds me sometimes of how fortunate I am.

I'm thankful for what I have. It's not a lot, but it's certainly not too little.

(In case you're wondering what the punchline is... There isn't one. Just felt like talking about this.)

weird dreams

2006-05-14T05:23:00.000+08:00

Been having some odd dreams the past few nights... And when I say odd, I do mean odd. Stuff that have seemingly nothing to do with my life at all!

The first dream I had was a football-related one. I was watching a televised match, and a goal was scored... It was Ruud van Nistelrooy! But oddly enough, he wasn't wearing a Manchester United jersey. This was maybe a couple of nights after the match against Charlton where he stormed off after refusing to be on the subs' bench, so I already knew his career at Man Utd was pretty much over. Couldn't really make out what team it was, but it was a dark blue jersey... Come to think of it, it kinda resembled the PSG jersey. Anyway... Of all the dreams to have! Oh well.

A couple of nights after that, I had another dream about meeting some girl. Not just any girl, but a princess!!! Yes I realise how this sounds. Hey, I can't control my dreams, ok? And before you think I've been watching too many old school Disney cartoons, I'll have you know it wasn't some medieval setting.

It went something like this - The Queen of England came to Singapore for a visit (again something that happened recently in real life), and her rebellious young daughter (this part obviously only in the realm of my dreams) somehow escaped the bodyguards and all to just walk the streets like anyone else. Fate decreed that I bumped into her and got her number or something... But before I knew it I was being pursued by some anonymous thugs for reasons unbeknownst to me. I dunno man, it was just completely weird. Oh and yeah another thing. Get this: the Princess of England was ethnic Chinese. Sheesh!

Anyway. Not much happening in my life at the moment. I need a job!!! Well... A temp job anyway. Went for an interview this past week, hope I get that - It'll be just right, cos the job is only for the month of June. We'll see!

aljunied

2006-05-07T20:30:00.000+08:00

We lost.

We. Not just the Workers' Party, but also the people of Singapore. We have lost, and are all the poorer for it. Let's get ready for another 5 years of rising costs, another 5 years of CPF cuts, 5 years of arrogance. Let's get ready, because this is surely what we'll be getting now that the PAP has retained its overwhelming 82 out of 84 seat parliamentary majority.

I was bitterly disappointed by the loss of the WP team in Aljunied GRC. There was a genuine sense of expectancy, an air of hope that the winds of change were blowing. Alas, despite all the sound and the fury, the majority of Singaporeans STILL decided to go for a party that doesn't respect the citizens who elect them. Yes, a lot of people say that it was a close fight for a team of first-timers - and on paper it does seem close. 56% to 44% does seem rather like a close shave, doesn't it?

What many fail to realise is that the WP team isn't some Johnny-come-lately team. It has been doing groundwork, busy with walkabouts and such since 2003, so this loss is a great disappointment for all involved. I only decided to volunteer very late on, and only helped for two days, yet I felt the pangs of disappointment when the results were revealed. I can only imagine how the candidates, who'd put in so much hard work over the past few years, must have felt.

Still, there were some silver linings. The performance of the Ang Mo Kio GRC team was stunning - for such a massively inexperienced team to garner almost 34% of the vote against the incumbent PM was surely an embarrassment for Lee Hsien Loong. Of course he didn't admit as such, but anybody with half a brain would know that this was a great big Up Yours in his direction. Both the opposition MPs managed to widen their winning margins as compared to the 2001 General Elections, dealing a blow to SM Goh's reputation.

It was a very interesting experience for me yesterday. My first time voting, my first time as a polling agent, and also my first time as a counting agent. There wasn't much to do for the polling agent part, aside from sitting there and making sure the ballot boxes were empty before sealing in the morning. It was the counting agent part that was more interesting. Every counting table had a counting agent from each party assigned to it, so just in case you're interested, I can personally attest to the fact that the counting process in Singapore is not skewed in favour of any party since both have representatives to protect their interests.

I didn't do any of the counting - in fact, counting agents aren't allowed to touch the ballot papers. There were civil servants doing the counting, and all we had to do was ensure that the ballots cast in favour of our party did indeed go to our party's tally, as well as come to an agreement on dubious votes as well as rejected votes.

The wait after the last ballot was counted (at my counting table, as it were) was even longer than the time it took to finish counting the votes at my counting centre. We were getting worried that it might be heading towards a recount when we were finally told to witness the sealing of the boxes, signalling the end of the count for the constituency. Unfortunately, I found out as we left the centre that the Workers' Party had lost in Aljunied GRC, which completely knocked the wind right out of my sails.

All in all it was a good experience, and I really hope the Workers' Party will continue to attract good fresh talent and build on this. The results might've been disappointing, but now's the time to look ahead and work towards the next elections. Hopefully Aljunied GRC will still be around and not become another Cheng San.

- Update -

Colin Goh (of TalkingCock fame) has a very well-written account of the experience of being a polling agent as well as a counting agent, which is of course what I did yesterday as well.

Read it here.

election

2006-05-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

Apologies for not posting for quite a bit. Now as all Singaporeans should know by now, the General Elections are happening this Saturday. As many of you know, I've always been against the way the current government (in power since 1959, even before independence) stifles free speech, meddles in just about every aspect of Singaporean life and generally promotes a very competition-unfriendly political environment.

Maybe the GE was a catalyst, but I've decided to stop being merely an armchair critic and actually trying to do something about it - I decided to volunteer for the Workers' Party. It wasn't much at all, just legwork going door-to-door distributing pamphlets, but I figure it's better than not doing anything at all and being unhappy that the opposition can't do jack.

Now most Singaporeans are aware of how the ruling PAP plays pork barrel politics when it comes to upgrading of government housing - constituencies which are under PAP rule get priority over opposition constituencies, regardless of how old the blocks are. So in theory (and in practice too, unfortunately) a newer block in a PAP ward could be upgraded before a much older block in an opposition ward would. Fair? Well, maybe it would be fair if those were PAP funds used for the upgrading, but the fact of the matter is that since STATE FUNDS are being used, the only factor used in deciding which blocks get upgrading first should be age of estates, and not who they voted for.

As if that wasn't bad enough, just take a look at what Lim Boon Heng, head of the National Trades Union Congress as well as PAP Minister, said:

SINGAPORE: If Chua Chu Kang residents want an MP with the backing of the NTUC - Singapore's umbrella trade union - they should elect People's Action Party (PAP) candidate Gan Kim Yong, said labour chief Lim Boon Heng on Tuesday.

At a rally last Friday, Mr Lim said: "If you elect Steve Chia, I'm sorry, he is not (in) my party, if he comes to me and says he's got somebody who is jobless, well, I'll tell him (he's) got to find somebody to help him."

"But if Mr Gan is your MP and he comes to me, then I'll move heaven and earth to help you. That is our pledge."
(From Channel NewsAsia)

This is exactly what you get when the unions are controlled by the ruling party. Is this fairness? Is this how the national union leader should act?

When I was still in school, my schoolmates and I would recite a pledge every morning.

We, the citizens of Singapore
pledge ourselves as one united people,
regardless of race, language or religion,
to build a democratic society,
based on justice and equality,
so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and
progress for our nation.

Is this justice? Can we possibly be One United People when the ruling party is dividing us this way? How can there possibly be happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation when the head of the unions won't be bothered with helping certain Singaporeans to find jobs?

This is the flag of Singapore. One of the stars is supposed to represent the ideal of equality. I think, given what the PAP is doing, using the people in its bid to hold on to power, that star should be removed from the flag.

Why even bother with pretences?

relief

2006-04-29T02:48:00.000+08:00

I got a call yesterday which totally made my day. Long story short - I managed to get myself embroiled in some stupid entanglement a few years ago, and the phonecall pretty much resolved everything with no detrimental effects on myself.

It was such a relief to finally be rid of that bugbear. FOUR YEARS I've had to cope with that cloud over my head... Always threatening to erupt into some unimaginable mess, always ominously there. But now it's over, finally, mercifully, and I'm just so glad.

Things had gotten to the point where I'd gotten used to it. I'd grown accustomed to having that ball and chain attached to my ankle, and now the shackles have been released. Instead of walking, I'm now running! I really cannot explain just how good it feels to have this weight off my shoulders... It's simply amazing.

Thank you, God.

happiness is...

2006-04-20T21:53:00.000+08:00

I was just thinking about happiness. Everybody hopes to be happy. Read any emo kid's Friendster or MySpace profile and chances are there'll be a line tucked in there, somewhere, that says "I just wish to be happy" or some variation of that line. In fact, that's what happened - I happened to come across this profile in Friendster that said exactly that, and that's what set me thinking.

Happiness seems like such a simple wish, doesn't it? Most people must at least remember what feeling happy is like. It might've happened a long time ago, you might've been unhappy for quite some time now, but everybody, and I do mean everybody, remembers how it feels like to be happy.

So why is it so difficult to just be happy again? If we can bring to mind the warm, fuzzy feelings of happiness whenever we recall a cherished memory that makes us happy, why can't we just smile as and when we want to? Or why, indeed, can't we just make things the way they used to be, so that we can be happy again? Of course that's an overly simplistic way of looking at things, but it's just a thought. There are so many complications to life that even happiness seems like an elusive goal sometimes.

I'm sure you must've come across someone who's said "Why can't everyone just be happy?" or words to that effect. Well... It's hardly as simple as that. That line is heard from time to time in movies, in television shows, whenever characters in the show are arguing and the central character just screams that line. Everybody then pauses, looks at each other self-consciously, and proceeds to kiss and make up. Well of course they would, it's bloody Hollywood.

The thing is, real life isn't as wonderful as that. Things don't just become all good. Sometimes, one's happiness necessitates the unhappiness of another. That pretty much makes the wish that everybody is happy an impossible dream, doesn't it? On a world scale, for example, the happiness of a Palestinian might necessitate the unhappiness of an Israeli. On a more personal level, my desired happiness might necessitate the unhappiness of one or more people.

What's the point of this entry, you might wonder. Well... There isn't a point, really. I'm just thinking out loud. I dunno, maybe the key to everything is moderation. Not everbody can be happy, so let's all just be tolerably unhappy. Maybe that's the key to happiness eh? Not expecting too much of happiness.

starstruck

2006-04-13T03:42:00.000+08:00

It's a full moon out tonight, and a number of stars can be seen as well. That's a good improvement on most nights when craning your neck to the sky hoping to catch a glimpse of a star can be a futile exercise.

I've always enjoyed stargazing. Not the kind that teenaged fans do like some two-bit papparazo without a paper to write for, but rather the celestial kind. I always keep a lookout for Orion, which is unfortunately the only constellation I can discern. There's just something soothing about those twinkling lights high above us in the heavens - I don't quite know what, but gazing at the stars always soothes me.

Perhaps it's the fact that they're so distant, much like dreams we have, representing some kind of unattainable ideal that we nonetheless strive towards. As Oscar Wilde's famous quote ("We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars") implies, the stars are a kind of perfection, or at least less of an imperfection, that we look towards.

Stargazing is something I tend to do in my lower moments. When things get too much for me, when I feel like the spring in my body and mind has been wrung too close to breaking point, I like to take a time-out and look at the stars. (My moments of introspection, quite conveniently, tend to come late at night.) When the fancy strikes me, I just look out of the window and hope that I will get to take in the breathtaking sight of a sky blanketed with glittering stars. When there are few stars, or worse yet, none to look at, I just know it's gonna be a tough night ahead. When I find those sparkling diamonds, though... Well I may not actually feel better, admittedly, but I'd at least feel somewhat comforted.

I've been fortunate enough to have holidayed in several countries, something which not everyone is blessed enough to have experienced. For that I am thankful. I've been to Paris, Milan, Tokyo, New York and Seoul, amongst others, but one of my favourite memories of an overseas trip is the hiking trip I went on with some church friends back in 2001. It was only to neighbouring Malaysia to climb Mount Ophir, but it was made special because of what I saw the first night we spent at the foot of the mountain.

We'd miscalculated the travel time and reached the base camp past midnight, when the offices were obviously closed. The park was gated and padlocked, so we'd had no choice but to spread our sleeping bags on the road and sleep there for the night. The moment my head tilted upwards and I caught sight of the sky, I was speechless. The heavens were crammed so full of stars that I was hard-pressed to find any significant patch of starless darkness! It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. As if that wasn't stunning enough, I saw my first shooting star that night - in fact, I probably saw my first 20 or so! I was absolutely gobsmacked... It's a sight and a memory I will keep with me for life.

There were so many stars, and so many wishes made that night I don't even remember most of them. However, I do remember two in particular, one of which did come true. I'm still waiting for the other one to happen though... Or at least I'm waiting for it to happen again.

That wish was to be happy.

holding back the years

2006-04-09T01:35:00.000+08:00

I went for a drive last night.

Aside from enjoying the feeling of driving again after a rather lengthy hiatus, I simply felt a need to get out of the house, to someplace quiet to enjoy a spot of solitude. I had to escape from the oppressive confines of my home... It's not that I hate being home; on the contrary. It's just that if you've been staying at home as much as I have in recent months, it just gets to you.

It was probably a combination of factors that compelled me to do that. It being a Friday night and feeling shitty about not having had any plans whatsoever, pure boredom, an inability to fall asleep and of course the fact that for once I actually had a car available.

So at close to 5am, I took the car keys and drove. It took me forever to figure out where I wanted to go, but before I knew it I was already there, without even thinking much about it. It was almost an automatic response to my emotions - autopilot, if you will. Even I don't really understand why I chose to go there of all places... I just ended up there.

Entering the highway, cruising down the endless lanes of tarmac... Skipping the usual exits, instead barreling straight ahead - far from anywhere I'd usually go, to a place I'd last been some two or three years ago.

I saw the exit and took it. I hadn't been there in a while, and it'd been even longer since I'd driven there, but I remembered it all the same. Driving past the entrance, over the endless speed bumps, past a brand new complex which didn't use to be there... It used to be where I'd drop you off. I remember the old cafeteria which used to be there... It was pathetic! Thank goodness I only had reason to eat there once.

Forging ahead, I reached the bus stops we used to wait at after my family sold the car. For a moment, I recalled the office I accompanied you to this one time, then went on. I decided not to turn into the place where the automated parking barrier almost closed on the roof of my old family car... It would seem poetic and poignant to say it was because I wouldn't be able to take having all the memories come rushing back to me, but it was simply because I didn't feel like it. I don't understand why either... Perhaps I should have gone in there and taken a stroll. To the canteen, and the benches nearby.

Instead of turning, I went straight ahead to the other place I used to drop you off. The place where I once surprised you with flowers and an insignificant little gift of song. The area I used to park has been blocked off for some unknown reason. I looked up at the window you once waved to me from. I couldn't recall which window exactly, of course, but I remembered your smiling face above all.

There was nothing left to see here; I'd been to all the significant places. Turning back, I navigated my way back out the same way. Still, I was unsatisfied. Instead of going home, I turned right and went up the hill, to the park which held some regretful memories for me. The night air was crisp; I could see but one star in the sky's red blanket. There were other people there, so unfortunately I didn't have the peace and quiet I would've liked. I took in the view for a while and left.

Still I wasn't satisfied. There was something within that made it impossible for me to go home just yet. Something missing, perhaps, or maybe it was something than I had to unload.

I decided to head to the the quayside, to hopefully soothe my soul by the river where I once poured out my sorrows about us to someone who used to be a friend. I'd never driven there at such an hour before, and it was interesting to see everything closed, not a taxi in sight. The development which had just began construction back then has already been completed. It shouldn't have come as a surprise, a few years having passed in the interim and all, but it did. I guess I just haven't realised how quickly things change and how the world moves on, even if one doesn't.

Staring up at the lightening sky, I saw two stars this time. I told myself I'd spend a bit more time there and leave at 6.30, then glanced at my watch - it was exactly 6.30. Maybe it was a sign? A rather appropriate place and way to tell me, too. The watch, by the river.

Time to move on, old chum. Time and tide wait for no man.

street wars!

2006-04-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

Alright I just stumbled across this totally cool game that's being played in cities across the world, but mostly in the US. It's called Street Wars, and the objective is to "assassinate" a target by spraying him or her with a water gun, super soaker or water balloon! Sounds fun already doesn't it?

What happens is that you're sent a package when you register with the following items:

1. A picture of your intended target
2. The home address of your intended target
3. The work address of your intended target
4. The name of your intended target
5. Contact information of your intended target

You're supposed to "assassinate" your target with the benefit of having all this information, and if you're successful you will inherit that person's target. This goes on until you eventually kill off everyone else in the game and end up with the package with your name... Then you win cash!

The great thing about this is that it's a 24/7, real-life thing - who needs video games man? This is the real thing; the thrill of stalking the prey and the rush of the kill! I wish they brought this game to Singapore! I'd be the first to register, I swear...

Oh if you still don't get what I'm talking about, here are a few links to light that bulb in your head.

Official StreetWars site

And if you STILL don't get it... There's nothing like a couple of videos to clear all your doubts! Watch the one I placed on top first, they're in parts.

I WANNA PLAY!!!

rent!

2006-04-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

Caught the movie adaptation of the musical Rent on Saturday - I'd wanted so badly to watch the musical itself when it came to Singapore, but unfortunately I found that I couldn't afford the tickets at all. The movie was supposed to be a kind of consolation, like a "Oh well, at least I got to watch the movie I suppose..." sort of thing.

RENT!

Huge mistake. Watching the movie only made me wish I'd gone and caught the musical!!! The movie was excellent; the plot was touching, the characters grittily real and the songs were absolutely spot-on. It was such a powerful film in so many ways - the way how I, like many of my peers, are struggling to find meaning in life, how we're looking to do something to be remembered by, how we're still looking for the person to spend the rest of our lives with. It really struck a chord with me, especially after the movie ended and I started to really think about it... Yes, I'm one of those freaks who like to think about movies they've just watched instead of just dismissing them as entertainment.

I can't even begin to describe how good the story is. If I already enjoyed the movie this much, how much more would I have enjoyed watching the musical? The rawness and immediacy of the stage would surely have been perfect to convey the emotions of this story - this is, after all, a paean to love over and above all else.

Not satisfied with just watching the movie (and being an obsessive compulsive-type), I went and did a bit of research on the musical and found out that the plot of the musical is slightly different to that of the movie. The basis premise and much of the story is the same, but certain elements were left out, added in or otherwise modified in the movie. That's understandable I guess - what works on the stage might not necessarily translate well to the screen. I really just wish I could watch the musical man!!! Argh.

Please watch the movie if you have the time. If you don't have the time, please make some time. It's worth it, trust me! Just watch this video... Don't worry, it's not a traumatising one like the last few I posted. This is the trailer for Rent featuring one of the most famous songs off Broadway ever, Seasons of Love.